You are Good Enough

Mom-shaming is an art as old as parenting. It probably began with grunts and pointing at the beginning of human history, most often in cases of mental illness at that time. In modern times though, it has taken on a new and frightening scale. With the rise of social media, mom-shaming has gained international participation from more anonymous haters than could be counted. I would hope most people would agree that gossip and judging others is wrong. So wouldn't that also mean mom-shaming would be wrong? I would hope so.
God is the author of life which also means his is the author of families. Yes, we have free will but at some point during the creation process, the parents' free will ends leaving it up to God what the family ends up with. With adoption, there is more of the parents' will involved but hopefully with their heart open to God's voice. I was just telling another mom the other day that God knows best, so I'm fine with obeying Him. That includes his decision to give me one really spirited child and one fairly cautious child. Yes, God knows best what our families should look like. The parents are the ones whom the child needs and the child is the one whom the parents need hopefully with everyone's sanctification as the goal. Which means, moms, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.
Nobody has the right to judge other parents partially because behavioral issues may not be a matter of discipline. Another, parenting is a lifelong process as well as our sanctification. The human brain is not fully developed until early to mid twenties. Which means college students still don't have the same self-control as even a thirty-year old. And when a child is thrown into turmoil, his primitive brain really takes over. What does this all mean? SELF-CONTROL IS A LIFELONG PROCESS. How many of us adults have our own temper tantrums or engage in immature behaviors enviable of any preschooler? Is it because our parents didn't teach us any better? Most likely not. Sometimes maybe, but most of us know the difference between right and wrong.
Who best knows a child aside from God and Mary? The child's parents. Every family's values are different, every family's priorities are different, and with the parent's knowing what is best for their child ONLY the parents can decide what is best. Doctors, teachers, and therapists can make the best recommendations, but if the parents really don't agree they are either correct or in denial. Either way, the parents are responsible for shaping their family. If they decide to disagree with "professionals" for any reason, it's really up to them. Even in the end, much of how a child turns out is out a parents control. We don't have crystal balls and God will speak to our children differently than we may expect. Because we don't have crystal balls, we don't know if any of our fancy "techniques" will produce the desired results. God's will for our children may be different than our inward desires for them, but as mentioned earlier, He's really the one who knows best.
Based on my interactions with fellow parents and other children, I can tell when a child will turn out all right. Not based on whether or not the child receives time-outs or spankings. I can tell based on the parents' devotion. As imperfect as we parents are, our love for our children determines their future success. A loving parent will care if their child is inquisitive and will nurture that trait, a loving parent will treat their child with love so the child will know how to treat others with love, a loving parent will be present for a child so that he knows he is loved and valuable. Rich or poor, homeschool or public school, as long as a parent cares and is involved, the child has a chance at future happiness, holiness, and success.
Ultimately, we all need to take our cues from God. I do my best to find the parenting "methods" that most lines up with church teaching about love and mercy. I have read at least a dozen parenting books over the last two years. In fact, I get really frustrated because every time I want to read a recreational book, I find myself desperately turning to a parenting book for help with the latest issue. Most of the advice of which has either been forgotten or I've not had enough practice in order to implement it properly. When I truly make mistakes, I am acutely aware of it and have been working hard to avoid repeating mistakes. I too am a "saint in the making" as was once our Newman theme.
How does this all relate to the post's title "You are Good Enough"? Well, exactly what it says. No matter what people say or think, no matter your child's personality, as long as you love your child YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

An Imperfect Saint: A review of St. Vincent

One of my favorite things about the Catholic Church is the Communion of Saints. I love being able to ask my grandparents to pray for me. Over the years, I also feel like I have made best friends with some of our brothers and sisters in heaven: St. Therese of Liseux, Sts. Zeilie and Louise Martin, St. Lucy, St. Monica, St. Francis, and St. John Paul II. It's so great having advocates in heaven cheering us on and interceding on our behalf. The Communion of Saints seems also to be one of the many misunderstood teachings of the Church, and the film St. Vincent is one of the films that demonstrates one of those misunderstandings.
St. Vincent is actually a really great film. Melissa McCarthy (Maggie) and Bill Murray (Vincent) are an unlikely duo in this film yet they bring a perfect balance of comedy and drama. This is one of those films that really doesn't fit into either genre perfectly. The film is about a struggling newly divorced mom whose son finds an unlikely mentor in their new drunken, gambling neighbor. As the boy learns more about his neighbor who can truly be described as a diamond in the rough, their relationship along with that between him and his mother are thrown into turmoil. The story culminates in the "Saints Among Us" presentation where at a school-wide assembly where Oliver and his classmates present someone in their lives who is similar to a canonized saint. Oliver's presentation is truly touching and brings the film together in a way that I was not expecting.
Because I'm Catholic, I'm pretty picky about details in movies about Catholics. My friend and I were at a student film festival and there was a story about a Catholic priest prior to Vatican II. I sat there pointing out to my friend, who was not Catholic by the way, the little details that were not accurate to the period the film takes place. Now, I am of the belief that a writer, director, and producer should do their research before making a film no matter the subject matter. Never assume you know enough to write about it. My biggest issue with the film was not that this sinful man was considered a saint by a young boy but the film's description of what a saint is. Oliver's teacher, a Catholic priest, describes a saint as someone who devotes themselves to make the lives of other people around them better. While this description is not inaccurate, it is incomplete. The only saint really talked about is St. Teresa of Calcutta. She's not a saint because of her good works but because of her undying love and devotion to God. Throughout the entire movie, while Catholicism places a central role in the story, God is never mentioned. Okay, he's mentioned once when the priest makes Oliver lead class prayer. It makes me really sad because this movie could have been great, amazing even if God played a bigger role in the movie. Our good works mean NOTHING if God is not at the heart of it. Like I said, calling this sinful man a saint is not wrong; the presentation scene actually was really heartwarming and touching.
This movie really is worth watching. I absolutely love it. I just feel disappointed when a movie doesn't live up to it's potential. I have to note, this is one of Melissa McCarthy's best roles. She has the best line in the movie, and I'm convinced she came up with it because it was unexpected, hilarious, and only could have been written by a woman. I highly recommend the movie. The Communion of Saints is so mysterious because we don't know who all is up there. God's mercy is deeper than the ocean, and we have no idea who opens themselves up to receive it. That means we have no idea whose up there praying for us and waiting to greet us when we join them in heaven.

A Parent's Guide to Preschool Television

We now live in a very strange time in history. Where once parents considered television to be the bad guy, I would now argue that among your technological options, television may be the safest. With nine-year-olds having cell phones and my own two-year-old possessing his own Kindle Fire, it can be scary navigating the technological landscape. I have read a lot about this and some experts would say television is bad and children should never watch it while some say it's OK in moderation. Some experts would say that children should never play video games, but how can we parents fight that when teachers hand out iPads to preschoolers and call it "education?" As I have explored homeschooling and watched my son interact with technology in a way that our parents couldn't even fathom when I was a kid, I have learned a lot about the use of technology with toddlers and preschoolers. I will save video games and devices for another time, but today I'm going to play favoritism and advocate why television may be a good option for your preschooler and how to approach the whole matter. My experience is limited to toddlers and preschoolers, so that is where I will focus.

Father and son enjoying Mary Poppins together.

First of all, some parents and experts would say to never let your preschooler watch television. While it's not inherently evil to hold such an opinion, neither is allowing your child to watch as much television as he would like. Fortunately, we're Catholic, so we have the virtue of temperance. (Yay, Catholics!) Temperance is basically all good things in moderation. Personally, I do not advocate for allowing your child to consume as much media as he pleases for he has not yet developed self control. Neither would I advocate for never allowing media for how can a child learn self-control around media with no exposure to it at all? It may be different for preschoolers, but let me help you out with the appropriate way to teach a healthy relationship with television with your preschooler.

First of all, do NOT be fooled by "educational" television. Yes, I love and advocate for Sesame Street. However, television should be used to reinforce what your preschooler has already learned from the world around him, not be a substitute for life experience and true education. Yes, educational television is OK, but do not treat it like class time. The only exception to that that I would say is for in cases of learning ASL or a foreign language and only if it is used as a tool within a broader curriculum. The best educational show out there by far is Sesame Street but right up there is Tumble Leaf. It may first appear that Tumble Leaf is not an educational show but it is. Tumble Leaf teaches preschoolers about science and in the best way possible. Rather than lecturing preschoolers, children are taken on a journey with Fig the fox to explore the world. My son has seen concepts on the show and applied them to real life. He saw a magnifying glass on Tumble Leaf and now picks one up whenever he sees it. The same can be true of many other tools he's seen on the show. What makes Tumble Leaf unique is the seamless weaving of art, story, and education. It's a show I find myself enjoying. This show is so countercultural because it's released on Amazon, it's CLAYMATION (no kids' show is claymation), and as I said it is educational in the way that the target audience truly learns. If you're concerned about your kids watching educational TV, those are the two I would advocate for.

Second, there is an appropriate way to watch television with your preschooler. I'm not perfect at doing this, but parent and child should be interacting throughout the show they are watching. As I said, television should not be educational but even Jesus used storytelling to teach morals. My favorite show about teaching morals to preschoolers is Daniel Tiger's  Neighborhood. Daniel Tiger is a modern version of Mister Rogers's Neighborhood of Makebelieve. As Ni and I watch the show together, we talk about what is going on. How do the characters feel? How do they react to certain situations? The show has catchy tunes which can be helpful for kids to remember things such as penance after forgiveness, what to do when we're mad, and using our words to express our feelings. Ni will take games and "advice" from the show and apply it to his own life. For example, we went out to a restaurant a week ago and that morning he happened to watch the episode of Daniel Tiger where Daniel goes to a restaurant for the twentieth time. While we were out, Ni played a game he saw on the show, and it kept him entertained the entire meal. Lots of shows, not just Daniel Tiger, can be used in a similar fashion. (Octonauts being another family favorite.) My point is, when a preschooler does watch television, it should be conducted in a similar fashion to storytime on a loving caregiver's lap. 

Thirdly, beware of bad television! Even though there is a plethora of amazing television shows for preschoolers out there, there still are some that are just okay and some that are just bad. One example of a bad show for preschoolers is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. No, I'm not just out for revenge, I have some legitimate concerns. I have been an avid television watcher since I was Na's age. I know what I'm talking about, people. On the surface, this show seems benign. However, my biggest concern is that the show is not designed with the best interest of the viewer in mind like some of the other shows aforementioned. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is specifically designed to simply bring pleasure and entertainment to a child rather than build up his or her brain or heart. Most of the storylines are superficial, the characters have been distorted from their original beauty to more dull, one-dimensional characters, and they try to disguise their propaganda by being educational because they "teach" children their colors and how to count. The show is designed to give children warm fuzzy feelings about Mickey Mouse and his comrades, so that they'll want every Mickey Mouse toy they see and will beg to go to Disneyland. (Though Ni has other reasons to beg to go to Disneyland.) Television can be used to build a child's attention span (Sesame Street is very good for that) but everything about Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is designed to keep a child engaged for every second rather than build any skills. I might be okay with all of this if the animation or stories could make up for it. Sadly, that is not the case. That being said, yes, I let Ni watch the show. He really only watches his favorite episodes and he gets a healthy variety of other shows. I would advise, however, if your child has never seen Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, NEVER show it to them. If they have seen it, either keep them from watching it or make sure they watch a variety of other shows. Plus, the music is really bad. Just throwing that out there. 

Wow, I wrote a lot more than I was intending. This particular topic is very personal to me partially because as I have mentioned I have been watching and analyzing television and film since I was my baby boy's age. It can also be scary as a parent hearing horror stories of the dangers of media. I want to give a perspective that was balanced and positive. The bottom line is, there is so much media out there. Take advantage of streaming services where a child can watch his favorite episode of Daniel Tiger over and over but be careful of time spent doing so. The messages will really sink in and you don't have to worry about commercials. Be wary of bad television and always make it interactive. I would not advocate you stick your child in front of the TV completely unsupervised and passive even if you allow them to watch a lot of it. I'm mostly saying that you don't have to prevent your children from watching television entirely. No mom-shaming here if you're on either end of the spectrum. We Catholics tend to sit comfortably in the middle, so I want to help my fellow parents out there who sit in the middle with me, so I just want to show you you're not alone. The parents who have blackouts at their homes and who allow an overindulgence in media get all the attention, so I want to offer a guide to parents who want to let their preschoolers do something enjoyable and not inherently evil without feeling guilty. As long as you're mindful of what your child is watching and HOW they are watching it, you really have nothing to be worried about.

New Beginnings

Sunrise in Joshua Tree National Park, 2010

The title of my latest post might seem odd since I did not write a post of a similar title when my youngest baby was born ten months ago. Yes, he's ten months now, and I can't believe it! Well, the title has significant meaning aside from that. Including posting my first post since March of last year.
First of all, it may be quite obvious that I am posting for the first time. Well, things have been pretty tough since then. Ni was in the throngs of the
terrible twos while I was pregnant and exhausted all the time. I just couldn't leave Nicky alone while I worked and every free moment I did have was spent sleeping. Then Na came along and things have been REALLY tough. Again, I had two small kids who constantly need my attention. Any spare moment may not have been spent sleeping but has been spent staring at the television or reading. I'm at a point again where I can comfortably focus on my blog. Speaking of, I'm going to work on improving the blog and adding some new features. Stay tuned!
Both my boys are growing. Na still needs to be closely monitored for his safety but I'm not constantly tending to him like I had been. Ni has spent this week playing independently for hours at a time. I mean HOURS. Drawing, playing with toys, all kinds of things. It's been pretty amazing to see him explore and grow. Because of my boys' growing independence, I've been having a bit of independence myself. It's exciting to see this new change in my children.
Nicky also had his first day of preschool today. And when I say preschool, I mean homeschool preschool. Sad to say things did not go well. Nicky was really tired. At first I was thinking this was a mistake to homeschool instead of sending to real preschool. When I broke it down, I realized it was because he was too tired. If he had been to preschool, he still would have been tired, have been a disturbance to the other kids, would have had a hard time learning because he was so tired, and would have been overstimulated. The problem would not have been solved by sending him to preschool. We'll buckle down and keep at it. If we need to send him to preschool we will, but even after a disastrous first day, I will not give up easily. I'm working hard to find Nicky some friends. Part of the problem, and I did feel bad about this, Nicky was expecting to go to real school like on Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. We have park day tomorrow for a new homeschooling group that I haven't been to yet. Hopefully that will yield some really positive results.
Speaking of new homeschool group, that's another new beginning. I've tried in the past to join some mom's groups with unsatisfactory results. I'm trying some new groups over the next month or so and hopefully will find a couple that will stick.
Another new beginning is that my husband and I are entering a new phase of our marriage in a very positive direction. Without going into details, I will say that it's a new and beautiful phase. Hopefully this time will be spent strengthening our marriage in new ways so we can be prepared for whatever comes our way. Things will be changing. I can sense it, but I'm excited for what is to come.
New beginnings can be scary and exciting. When I first decided to homeschool, I was not confident at all. After tons of research, I became confident that the best teacher for a preschooler is his mom and the world around him. Even after a bumpy start, I'm not going to give up. If he does need to go to school he can, but for now we'll embark on this amazing journey of learning, loving, and living.

10 Tips for Taking Babies to Disneyland

I have been taking my son to Disneyland an average of once a week for the last year. I've celebrated his first birthday there and even heard his first word there because of a cast member. There is quite the controversy over whether or not you should take a baby to Disneyland. My son has enjoyed our
annual passes as much as if not more than I have. Two years from now, he won't remember a thing. Twenty years from  now, I'll still have the pictures. I highly advocate taking babies to Disneyland, no matter how small. It's not like this is the last time I will ever take him. Over the year, I have learned a few things that my mom didn't even know with her many years of experience, so I thought I could share some tips whether you're a pass holder or planning a family vacation with a baby.

1) Locate the Baby Care Center within the park you're visiting. The one in Disneyland is at the end of Main Street next to the photo shop. These centers offer parents many services including quiet diaper changing area, small potties for toddlers, private area for nursing and pumping, high chairs, and all sorts of baby supplies on sale not for profit. We always change my son's diaper there especially when he was smaller because the noises in the bathroom used to scare him. At the baby care center, he likes the quiet environment and they have a bath to rinse poopy bottoms and diapers. You can also tell your older kids to meet there if they get lost.

2) Naps should be strategic. Obviously you want to take your little one on all the rides they're able to go on, don't skip either carousel, and you may even have older kids who want to go on bigger kid rides. Well, you have two options for handling the mandatory baby nap. If your child is still able to sleep in the stroller or baby carrier and everyone else in your party does not need a nap, you can stay at the park all day and use the opportune nap for the adults and older kids to take turns going on rides either with fastpasses or single rider lines. Your second option if your toddler refuses to nap in the stroller, is for one person to take him or her back to the hotel or for a quiet drive, returning to park in the parking structure for the rest of naptime. Note, these tips are for people staying at the park all day. If you are only going for a few hours, take your baby right before nap or right after their nap.

3) Any photograph you really need, such as in front of the castle, do that first. Later on, there may be a longer line and the special costume you put on your kid may have been ruined in one way or another by the time you get around to taking the picture. They are babies after all.

4) Don't think that babies and toddler don't want to see the characters. Even as an infant, they will have their preferences. I was talking to a cast member telling him that my son only likes to visit the princesses, so I like to take him to the princesses. This cast member said that he met a baby who only liked villains. For my son's birthday lunch we ate at Ariel's Grotto. Now, however, he drags me around to characters. He made me take him to see Pluto and Daisy over the last two weeks. I also took him to see Minnie Mouse, and he had a ball. Yes, you are the one who benefits from the pictures, but you never know what kind of special moments can happen even with your infant. Don't wait if the line is too long, though.

5) If you're taking a vacation, or if you're a passholder celebrating a special occasion, do the Character Dining even with your toddler. There are five restaurants throughout the resort, one at each hotel and each park, where you sit down and the Disney characters come to you! I mentioned we celebrated my son's first birthday at Ariel's Grotto because he likes the princesses. If we were to go for another occasion, I would look into one of the other experiences because he has become a lot more comfortable with all the characters. A huge tip, however, and this will sound counter intuitive but trust me on this, make sure you child eats at least a little bit right before your reservation and be sure to make your reservation so it doesn't interfere with nap time. It wasn't until the last princess that my little prince was able to enjoy himself because he was so hungry the entire time. If they have at least a little food in their stomach before your reservation and are not tired, they will enjoy themselves better. It's not like they will eat a lot during the meal anyways. By the way, make a reservation at least a month in advance, perhaps two during a really busy time such as spring break or summer.

6) Plan on doing things your child enjoys. Even infants have personalities and preferences. My son has always enjoyed music and stage performances, so we enjoy taking him to all the shows. I took him to World of Color a couple times and once he was absolutely still and quiet at least for twenty minutes. Your child might not be a fan of such things, but he might enjoy running around Toontown. I suggested taking your kid to characters but if your child is really shy, he or she may not want to. My son used to like Pirates of the Caribbean. In fact, he still likes most of the ride but recently the two drops make him so upset that we just don't take him on it anymore. I still take him on Pinnoccio even though he gets scared because he doesn't get scared enough to cry. See what your child can handle and do what they like.

7) Toontown: the best place in the park for infants and toddlers. It opens one hour after the park opens, and that is when I suggest you go. By noon and later in the afternoon it's pretty crowded. These also will be the shortest lines to see Mickey and Minnie. Do the Rodger Rabbit ride first then go to Mickey and Minnie's house. You will often see Pluto and Goofy wandering around, and this is a good time to see them too. You can let your kids wander around the characters' houses. Goofy's house has a piano that makes silly noises and a small playground. It's designed for 2-4 year olds but one-year-olds will enjoy it as well. Just be careful, some parents let their 10-year-olds run around which, in my opinion, is unfair to the toddlers because they can be aggressive. There's plenty for your little ones to enjoy in this area of the park.

Some general tips.

8) The crowd at the park fluctuates throughout the day. The slowest times of the day are from opening until 10am and later from 1pm-5pm. By 10am, everyone has arrived at the park and by 1pm everyone has left either for naptime, lunch, or both. After 5, people are returning from dinner or, like us, coming after work.

9) The slowest times at the park are pretty much the entire month of September, first two weeks of November, second week of January until President's Day and Valentine's Day, and then Last week of February until mid-March. Now, it would be easy to just say go during these times, but particularly during September and January, they have shorter hours and fewer attractions because they don't always have the nighttime entertainment and the slower times are when they do maintenance on most of the rides. Even if you go during the busier months like March and April or November and December, as long as you don't go during the summer or on or near any major holiday you won't have too much trouble with the crowd. It just depends on what kind of experience your family wants.

10) Check the website prior to planning your trip to make sure any favorite attraction or show will not be temporarily closed. You cannot plan for if a ride breaks down but often times they will close certain attractions for an extended period because they're doing routine maintenance or they're revamping it. For example, World of Color and other attractions are closed in preparation for the Diamond Celebration of Disneyland. You can also check the website for when their Christmas stuff starts or for special events such as Lunar New Year and the Diamond Celebration. It's sometimes nice to plan a trip around such things.

I hope these tips help you plan your next Disney vacation to the Disneyland Resort in Anaheim. My whole family has enjoyed our year at Disneyland. We are sad to see it end, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I have seen my son grow up at Disneyland and have shared many precious moments with him. Any age is the perfect age to take your child to Disneyland. My parents have taken my brothers and I so many times over the years, and they are some of our favorite memories as a family. Even though my son will not remember this year, I will always have an amazing story about his first word, thanks to the generosity of a Cast Member giving my son ice.

Vegans and Lent

Nicky exploring our church

Ah, it's that time a year again where Catholics make Lenten promises that don't last a week and  suddenly every Catholic decides to eat fish on Fridays. Well, did you know that it used to be tradition that EVERY Catholic, not just those crazy Eastern Catholics, did not eat meat on Fridays? Also, did you know that Bl. Pope Paul VI said that when that requirement was removed that the intention was for Catholics to decide on their own reparation on Fridays and were encouraged to abstain from meat anyways? In a culture where we find meat on our tables for three meals a day, and sometimes snacks, that seems quite foolish.
Now, because I'm vegan, that means that I don't have to worry about Fridays, right? Wrong! Every Friday especially during Lent must remain solemn. People like going out on Friday nights to celebrate the end of the week, but maybe it's best to wait until Saturday night, especially during Lent. A tradition I wish to begin during this Lent and to carry on throughout the year is to do the Divine Mercy Chaplet at 3 PM with Nicky. The Divine Mercy Chaplet was given to St. Faustina, a Polish nun, during her many visions of Christ regarding Divine Mercy. On Good Friday, I also enjoy reflecting on the Way of the Cross with my family, a tradition which began with the ever famous St. Francis of Assisi. On the market are so many versions of the Way of the Cross that I'm sure anybody can find a version they like. This can easily be done throughout Lent as well and Fridays during the year.
Prayer is all well and good, so does that mean I don't need to make any physical sacrifices during Lent? No! As Catholics, we should make all kinds of sacrifices for we are creatures of body and spirit. Christ saved us through the sacrifice of his body, so it is good to sacrifice our body for Christ even if with deprivation rather than death. During Lent we are called to pray, fast, and give alms. Prayer is sacrificing your spirit, fasting is sacrificing your body, and alms giving is sacrificing your resources. I'm using the CRS Rice Bowl app to pledge one of my sacrifices every day during Lent and to pray.
It is unhealthy for me to fast during Lent even before I became pregnant with my first. I also already abstain from all animal products on a daily basis. What, then is left? In the Eastern Church, part of our history is also sacrificing wine and oil during times of fasting and abstinence. This encouraged me to try other sacrifices. For example, alcohol. That does not work perfectly though because while breastfeeding and being pregnant I don't drink alcohol anyways. That leaves caffeine. This is perfect! Even while pregnant and breastfeeding, I drink small amounts of caffeine daily either as coffee or tea. During Lent, then, I can offer up my morning caffeine kick. Sometimes I miss it and sometimes I don't. I then use the CRS Rice Bowl app to pledge the cost of my daily cup of tea.
So, by doing a daily reading as my spiritual adviser suggested either on my CRS Rice Bowl app or  in my Lenten booklet, by abstaining from caffeine, and by pledging the cost of that coffee, I am able to fully experience Lent. I hope everyone has examined what they can fast from. Another thing I'm trying to fast from is some of my more habitual sins. I of course encourage everyone to try vegan at least on Fridays, but few can handle that. It's never too late to start participating in Lent.

Love, Lust, or Run and the Importance of Modesty and Beauty

This is not my most beautiful look, but in High school, I got really into dressing well after being mistaken for a boy too many times. I loved this outfit and my hair looks great. I started feeling a lot better about myself. If only that smile in this picture could reveal my inner beauty.

Tonight is a new episode of the brand new TLC show Love, Lust, or Run. Stacy London spent a decade transforming the lives of countless women on TLC's What Not to Wear. Her new show focuses more on the transformation rather than the shopping. She also takes women who dress more extreme than on What Not to Wear. I was inspired to do this post after last week's episode about a 20-year-old young lady named Jessie who wanted to be a New York City police officer, a very noble profession. She dressed, however, like a hooker. She honestly did. I was also shocked when the show said that she was 20 because she looked 25 with all that make-up and very adult outfit and accessories.
The first part of the show after Stacy gets to know the young women, is stripping the ladies bare: removing all clothing, accessories, and make-up. After this, Jessie actually looked her age. Stacy then shows the ladies what kind of make-up looks flattering on them and takes them shopping. Often, there is a struggle but when they trust Stacy to find clothes they like, there's usually a win. The show ends with the transformation which is always shocking. These women finally look beautiful because they look themselves.
The show's title comes from the part of the show where they go out on the street with photographs of these ladies in their favorite outfits. Each person is asked if they love the look, if they lust it, or if they want to run from it. Jessie's original look had only lust responses.  This was the kind of attention she was aiming for with her dress, but she realized it was not the kind of attention she really wanted. She wanted to be respected. Well, after the transformation is revealed, Stacy shows Jessie the responses to her new look. All but two loves. The other two were lust. After the transformation, if there are still "lust" responses, one can clearly know that it has not to do with the young lady's appearance but with the heart of the person looking at her. That person is doing something wrong because he has no respect for any person's dignity, especially women's.
As Christians, it can quite often be a struggle to ask ourselves, why does dressing well matter? Clearly, we should not dress like hookers. Does that mean that the alternative is to dress in ill-fitting jeans and boxy t-shirts? We would not feel very attractive doing that would we. Looking attractive doesn't necessarily mean one is attracting a new mate, it simply is attracting others' attention and respect. On What Not to Wear, often times people who ended up on the show put dress last because of their charity work. Their boss at the charity, however, wanted them to dress better to be a representative of the company. Why? Because when you're trying to bring attention to a cause or raise money, people are more likely to respect what you say when you have a presence, including appearance, that demands attention and respect. Sometimes, then, if you work for a charity, you would be helping the charity you work for by dressing well.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church addresses modesty in dress and may surprise some people. It says, "The forms taken by modesty vary from one culture to another. Everywhere, however, modesty exists as an intuition of the spiritual dignity proper to man. It is born with the awakening consciousness of being a subject. Teaching modesty to children and adolescents means awakening in them respect for the human person (CCC 2524)." First off, because it is appropriate in our society to wear skirts that hit the knee, it is not immodest to wear anything that hits above the ankle. It is also appropriate to bare our legs and knees. It's not about specific clothes, it's about dignity. We must not only dress modestly, we must also behave modestly which requires respecting the human person for his or her God-given dignity. And teaching modesty does not mean teaching our children how to dress, but how to approach themselves and their fellow man. This will then influence their dress decisions.
So why does it matter if the image we present of ourselves is of physical beauty? Obviously if our interior beauty needs a makeover, that comes first. But if that is taken care of, then shouldn't our outer beauty reflect our inner beauty? If we are beautiful on the inside, but nobody knows because our beauty is hidden beneath bad clothes and imperfections, don't we as individuals and God as our creator deserve for the world to see who we truly are? Don't we deserve to for people to see our true beauty?
It can be difficult to distinguish between materialism and what I'm describing. One thing I have always taken away from What Not to Wear and what a person can very easily take away from Love, Lust, or Run is that beauty is not about buying the most trendy, most expensive items of clothing. As long as you have a foundational wardrobe, preferably by buying a few expensive pieces and a few less expensive ones, then dressing well will actually come without thinking. All you will need to do is grab a bottom, top, and completer piece. Materialism says you have to go shopping every week to get the latest look. Beauty is dressing in clothes that you actually like and that actually look good on you. Modesty is showing the world your God-given beauty and dignity in both actions and appearance.

Milk: an Essential Nutrient?

What a busy last couple weeks! My husband finally handed off the application to me for the priesthood, and Nicky decided to stop napping. This means I no longer had time to sit and write anything really, and I only had two weeks to write it all. Last week, my mom came for an awesome visit which both kept me from working and helped me work at the same time. Finally, everything was completed and turned in on Saturday. Nicky even went down for a nap yesterday and today to give me time to write this.

The dairy industry is a very powerful organization of farmers they pull a lot of money and have major influence in public opinion and and politics. Everyone remembers the "Got Milk" campaign of the 90s. Images of strong athletes and celebrities with milk mustaches encouraged children to enjoy white milk. The industry had some push-back particularly because chocolate milk became so prevalent in school lunches. On Jamie Oliver's show Food Revolution, he posed the question of why we must offer chocolate milk to our children. The defense was to get children to drink milk and more milk because they would not do so if it was not chocolate. Jamie Oliver asked "Can't we do better?" My mother and I asked, "How much milk do children really need?"
When I was pregnant, my doctor gave me a nutrition pamphlet. I read through the pamphlet and saw how many references there were to milk and other dairy products saying how essential it was that pregnant women drink milk. I found the suspicious, so I looked on the back and the pamphlet was produced by the Dairy Council of California. I promptly threw the pamphlet in the trash.
A few months ago I read that the milk companies we're trying to re-brand they were launching a campaign to make people aware of milk; make it a lifestyle. Yesterday on the VegNews website I read that the Milk Processor Education Program are launching a new campaign on social media. (Hey! Look what I found. http://milktruth.com/ Kinda creepy if you ask me.) They will be flooding Twitter and Facebook with information about the benefits of milk and and express suspicions of almond milk. Once again we need to ask ourselves how much milk do people really need if any at all.

Popularity of nondairy milk has risen over the last 20 years due to lactose intolerance, nutrition awareness, and the rise of veganism. I would say though that our falling population may have a small contribution to that drop however it is true that nondairy milk is growing in popularity. At our home, we drink almond milk mostly because my husband prefers the taste of almond milk instead of soy milk. I would say soymilk is more nutritious for you than almond milk but is perfectly fine to consume. (just watch out for those sneaky sweeteners.)
If milk is so good for us, what nutrients in milk make it the center for a balanced diet? According to the website of the Dairy Council of California, milk provides calcium, protein, vitamins D, A, and B12, potassium, magnesium, and riboflavin. I will demonstrate non-dairy alternatives to each of these nutrients proving definitively that as long as someone has a well-balanced plant-based diet, even a nursing mother has no need of milk.
First up, the most well-known benefit is calcium. Calcium is essential for bone health, teeth health, and nerve health. According to Health magazine website, there are 12 other foods that vegans and non-vegans can use to take in this essential nutrient. They include: collard greens, broccoli, broccoli rabe, the infamous kale, edamame, bok choy, figs, oranges, white beans, okra, tofu, and finally almonds (also almond milk). Clearly, if a person consumes a good amount of these various foods, one should receive enough calcium without the dairy or cholesterol. (Fun fact! I took a calcium quiz on the Dairy Council of California website to check my calcium intake, and I exceed it without a single dairy product. Pwnd, dairy!)
The most common question a vegan or vegetarian is asked is, "Where do you get your protein?" Would you be surprised if I told you that all plants have protein? They do! Some have more than others, but even if I eat a bowl of steel cut oatmeal, I will receive as much protein as eating an egg. Nobody needs to drink milk in order to consume enough protein, especially if a person eats a diet rich in whole grains rather than refined grains.
I'm not even going to talk much about vitamin D because the only ways to receive vitamin D is to either be out in the sun, take a supplement, or consume a product fortified with vitamin D which plenty of vegan food is. Many doctors are concerned about peoples' vitamin D intake because we need sunscreen to protect our skin from the thinning ozone, but the sunscreen also blocks our vitamin D intake. Fortunately for me, I do not burn easily so a 20 minute walk around Disneyland with my son is enough for me to get vitamin D naturally.
Vitamin A is essential for eye, immunity, and reproductive health, according to Health magazine online. The highest concentration of Vitamin A is found in the beta carotene sweet potatoes. Baked sweet potato fries for everybody! Hooray! (Sweet potato fries are my fav.) It can also be found in carrots, winter squash, and spinach. I'd rather have sweet potatoes than milk any day, even before I was vegan.
Vitamin B12 is a little trickier for us vegans. I will admit that the best source of vitamin B12 is animal products, however, pretty much any animal product may be used to attain this vital nutrient, including but not limited to milk. Vegans get their B12 from nutritional yeast, algae, vegan yogurt, and supplements. Bacteria in meat products is how we humans get our vitamin B12, so vegans get their vitamin B12 from the source. B12 is essential for the formation of DNA and red blood cells and is important to guard against anemia. I took a blood test just before I got pregnant two and a half years ago, and I had healthy levels of vitamin B12, without a supplement.
Potassium is an electrolyte to regulate your body's energy. This and the protein is what makes milk a good post-workout beverage. I would say that chocolate soy protein drink is probably just as good for you. (And quite delicious.) Potassium can be found in sweet potatoes (whoo hoo! another nutrient for sweet potatoes), tomato paste, beets, greens, and regular potatoes. Who would have known that greens have so many nutrients that make milk so good for you. With fewer calories too!
Health magazine describes magnesium as a versatile nutrient that the body uses for more than 300 biochemical reactions including "maintaining muscle and nerve function, keeping heart rhythm steady, and keeping bones strong." Magnesium can be found in wheat bran, almonds, cashews, and green veggies such as spinach. Look at that, almonds and green veggies provide both magnesium and calcium. Who would have thought that plants were so good for you!
According to the Dieticians of Canada, riboflavin is a B2 that is essential for your cells to convert fat, carbs, and protein into energy. Nobody needs to consume more than 2 milligrams a day. Some foods for vegans that contain magnesium are mushrooms, spinach, corn flakes, muesli, pasta, soy milk (which actually has almost as much as dairy milk), tempeh (which does have more per serving than milk), almonds, soy nuts, and Vegemite. Plenty of sources of magnesium outside of dairy.
When you seen an ad for milk, ask yourself, does spinach need ads? What about almonds? (yes, I know there are ads for almond milk and soy milk) And when you hear somebody preaching the dairy gospel, ask yourself, what is their source of information? Ask yourself, do I really need milk with breakfast, cheese for lunch, and yogurt for dessert? Probably not. Ask yourself, should the people who have a financial stake in my consumption of milk be deciding what is necessary for good health? I encourage you to do your own research and decide for yourself what is best for you and your family. Just beware the scary dairy propaganda!

Sources:
VegNews: http://vegnews.com/articles/page.do?pageId=6630&catId=1
Health Magazine: http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20845429,00.html, http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20660118_1,00.html
Dairy Council of California: http://www.healthyeating.org/Healthy-Eating/All-Star-Foods/Milk-Dairy.aspx
Dietitians of Canada: http://www.dietitians.ca/Nutrition-Resources-A-Z/Factsheets/Vitamins/Food-Sources-of-Riboflavin-%28Vitamin-B2%29.aspx

My Walk in One Life LA 2014

Both secular and religious news sources would agree that the pro-life movement is gaining momentum. National Catholic Register reported the lowest number of abortion centers in decades this past year. 40 Days for Life is done multiple times a year all over the world. This time of year, the month of January is the time of year for protests and marches. We are so fortunate to have groups of people who work so hard to lead these marches and people will travel far and wide for them. The largest march is the March for Life in DC on the anniversary of the infamous Roe V. Wade. People travel from all across the country and every prominent leader in the pro-life movement makes an appearance. The second largest is the Walk for Life West Coast in San Francisco. That I have attended every year since I met my husband. I may have done it sooner, but even though abortion has always been an important issue to me, I didn't even hear about the Walk for Life until I met him. The Walk for Life West Coast falls on the Saturday following the anniversary of Roe V. Wade, so if you wish to attend both rallies, you certainly may. This year, instead of going to the Walk for Life West Coast, Los Angeles is had their own rally this year which is brand new. We did way too much traveling over the holiday season, so we were glad they had a rally in LA this year.

The signs were great for blocking the sun

One Life Los Angeles is the name of the LA walk for life. It was a brand new event that kicked off with a great start. The walk began right outside Union Station at La Placita Olvera, passed the Cathedral, and ended at Grand Park right in front of City Hall. At both the pre-walk rally and the post-walk rally, there were plenty of speakers from local and international pro-life organizations including David Bereit, national director for 40 Days for Life, and Mother Agnes Mary Donovan, SV who is the First Superior General of the Sisters for Life.
I took the train into Los Angeles with my husband and toddler, our family friends Franklin and

Nicky liked holding the signs

Shannon, and some members of the Newman Club I graduated from.When we walked out of the train station, we knew where to go because we could see a massive crowd about a block from the train station. We walked around for a bit looking for signs, and holy moly! At the Walk for Life West Coast, you walk around to the different booths and groups to pick up signs. However, One Life had their own signs. So, there was a huge area of giant boxes filled to the brim with signs from One Life and all the other organizations. What we liked about the One Life signs was they were not just about the unborn but also the disabled and elderly. I liked the sign with a family on it.
Once we had our signs, we had about fifteen minutes until the walk started, so we decided to find a spot to wait for the walk to start. Also, half our group was coming from Long Beach instead of Orange County, so the Orange County group wanted to find a place where the Long Beach group could find us. We missed most of the speakers, but we did get to see Archbishop Gomez. That was so cool! I mean, I guess I see him every year at the Religious Education Congress, but it really gives validity to the event. We realized how Catholic the event was. Obviously, people of different religions spoke and there were non-Catholic groups at the event, but with the bishop blessing the event and no other religious leader, it really to us felt very Catholic. Which makes sense because it was put on by the Archdiocesan Office of Life, Justice and Peace. That may also explain why the bishop attended.
Once the group organizers initiated the walk, it took a good five to ten minutes for us to get walking. We were somewhere in the middle. One of the things we did that we do every year is keep an eye out for pro-choice protesters. At Walk for Life West Coast, there's usually a group of about 40 or fewer people. Honestly, you're not going to get a lot of people traveling across the country promoting abortion unless they work for, like Planned Parenthood or something. The group of pro-choice protesters was quite minimal. There were about five of them standing on one corner, and there was a larger group of pro-lifers standing around them at that same corner. It was quite pitiful. Shannon thought it may have been because this was the first year of the event which is the most likely scenario.
One part of the walk that was really cool and really fun was the diocesan high school band marched. They stopped in front of the Cathedral so that everyone in the walk could hear them perform. Towards the end of the walk, our Newman Club got out our rosaries and prayed. Some people around us joined us.
We finally arrived at the park and fortunately there were food trucks because we were hungry.We settled into a spot so we could listen to speakers, eat, and let my son play. Many pro-life groups had booths to promote their services. The speakers were so inspiring as they talked about life. A father of a down-syndrome son, a young lady who spent her life in foster care and was finally adopted at the age of 17, and lives saved right in LA county because of 40 days for life. So moving, I was brought to tears. The event really proves that the pro-life movement isn't just about ending abortion, but about valuing each individual life. Each life matters because God created that person. Each person deserves dignity and love. It's about loving and celebrating life. Most of the world's problems could be solved if everyone gave Christ's sacrificial love to all those whom they encounter. To end with the rally's slogan, "Be somebody to somebody." God bless.

Why I Got Rid of My Cell Phone and am Not Replacing It.

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about the sad demise of my cell phone. Well, following that, the next step was to go about replacing it. I'm going to recount that process to explain why I'm ultimately abandoning cell phones forever.

After my phone broke, we contacted Verizon to find out our options. "Luckily", we bought insurance, so I could file a claim and replace my phone. Well, upon filing the claim, we found out we had to pay half of what we initially had to pay to buy the phone. On top of that, it was quite expensive to pay the data plan and everything on a monthly basis. I was so upset because realizing how much money my phone was costing me, the life value was just not worth it, even before Nicky's little mishap.

Especially because my husband will begin school in the fall, we're really trying to pay down our debt and live within our means. The last couple months have left us with not very much extra cash. When my phone got lost within the depths of our couch early last year before I replaced it, I knew I couldn't be responsible for a cell phone. I wanted a landline. I kept using Nick's phone to text my mom, though, so after a few months we upgraded to smartphones. It was nice having a phone especially with a nice camera. Well, all I really needed was a time telling device (I have a watch), a small camera so I don't have to take my DSLR everywhere (we have a point-and-shoot that fits in my purse), and a phone, so I can call people especially during the day when Nick has his phone at work. Anything I use the smart stuff for I can use on Nick's phone or my iPad.

The cost and the headache of being responsible for a cell phone are the biggest reasons I'm not replacing it. Not just how expensive it is, but how expensive it is compared to the value of how it enriches my life. It just is not worth it. When we found out how much money we will save every month, I realized I can get more supplies I need to continue working on Nicky's baby scrapbook which has been on hold because I ran out of pages. Now, I can buy some. I was overjoyed when I found that out.
I continue to mention how I am incapable of being responsible for a cell phone and how stressful it is. Well, over the years I have lost my phones many times. Usually they are found, but especially after becoming a mom when I have so many other priorities than "Where did I put my cell phone?" I realize that I just don't want to keep track of it. I don't like wasting time trying to find it because that seems to be a daily task. I have enough frustration finding all the ingredients when I'm trying to make dinner, I hate having to do that with my cell phone too.
In the Christian life, it is important to live simply in order to focus on what really matters. Everything we do needs to be in support of our values: faith and family. We can't spend every moment in the Church or with our family, so any time away from those two should still support those values. Our careers, for example, should be done in order to support our family and to serve God. If our careers compromise our Christian faith in any way, we should consider other options. Getting rid of a cell phone is a huge simplification in support of my values.
Ever since I realized we can't take everything with us when we move, I have been purging our apartment of anything that is a waste of space. Anything we take with us will cost us time and money, so we have to decide how much each of our possessions are worth to us. Obviously we can't get rid of everything, but we can get rid of anything we don't need or that compromises what's important to us. The same is said of our finances. When I realized how out of control our spending was, I realized that what we both really wanted was a comfortable life. We had been trying to live the extravagant life, even with the excess smartphone. Living in extravagance now could cost us comfort in the future. Getting rid of my cell phone both simplifies my life and my budget. With our spending under control, a purging of our apartment in progress, hopefully our lives will be more comfortable and more joyful.

So, how am I replacing my phone? No, I'm not getting a pay as you go phone or even a cheapo cell phone. (Don't want to keep track of a cell phone, remember?) Our internet currently has a deal where for an additional $10/month we can add basic cable and a phone line to our plan. Today, the cable guy came to install everything. I love OnDemand. :-) Yesterday, we went to Target to buy a phone. I bought the absolute cheapest which is a corded phone without a speaker or an answering machine, and I'm very happy. Yes, whenever I get a phone call, I will have to stand awkwardly next to the TV, but at least I have caller ID.

A Lesson on Gossip from Mean Girls

In high school, most people experienced some level of drama. All those raging hormones especially among the girls are bound to flare up in endless cat fights. However, as the song "High School Never Ends" by Bowling for Soup points out, the drama does not end, it just opens up onto a wider scale and becomes more adult, so to speak. Because of this, the movie Mean Girls has a lesson for everyone, not just girls or women. Mean Girls is about gossip among girls in high school, but it causes you to think about the gossip in your life.

I first saw this film in theaters with my dad. I hadn't heard much about it but my dad wanted to take me because all the grad students my dad was working with at UC Berkeley had recommended it. This was before I knew anything about Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. We both enjoyed it very much. Cady Heron played by Lindsay Lohan is transplanted from growing up in South Africa to a typical American high school in the Midwest. Being so pretty and exotic, she is instantly picked up by the Plastics whose queen bee is Regina George played by Rachel McAdams. What starts out as a mission to bring down the reigning group, Cady realizes how broken her new friends actually are.

The main issue Mean Girls deals with is gossip. You know the saying "Devil makes work for idle hands?" The same can be said for idle tongues too. Cady constantly feels uncomfortable around the plastics because of the awful things they constantly say about people. They even have a burn book with photos and insults about everyone in school. Even when Cady participates by saying nice things, Cady quickly learns that that too can become gossip.

At one point, I felt very sorry for Regina. Her mother, played by the brilliant Amy Poehler, cares very little what her daughters do. It seems as though the only way Regina knows how to deal with the hurt is to put others down to feel better about her own miserable life. When offered a chance for redemption, however, she blatantly refuses and clearly not out of ignorance, simply pride.

I had a horrible time in middle school because of gossip. No one wanted to be my friend because I would defend the targets of gossip rather than participate. I then was also the target of gossip even among the boys who I would often catch snickering at me. I was not so much hurt by the things people said, but I was hurt by the simple isolation of not being a part of the group and just being a target for no reason, really. In Mean Girls, everyone at Cady's high school feels that same rejection. The Plastics are the fuel, but everybody gossips. In Cady's attempt to infiltrate the Plastics, she finds herself turning into them. Despite her dislike of the burn book, in a very powerful scene she writes something about a teacher that is completely false and places the teacher under a police investigation. Left unchecked, gossip spreads like weeds and spirals out of control. When in a rage, it is easy to make targets out of innocent bystanders rather than take responsibility for our actions or foster a spirit of understanding.

I decided on this film and this topic because it's such a sneaky and seemingly innocent sin. It's a wolf disguised as all kinds of herbivore skins. This film was recently put on Netflix stream, so on a quiet evening to myself, I decided to watch it again. As entertaining a film it is to watch, I had a gut wrenching experience because I could see evil parts of myself in the actions of many of those teenagers. While I don't keep a burn book, it is so easy to complain about people we don't like, to say things about people who hurt us, and make comments about people who are a little odd. When we do those things, we strip away their God-given dignity. There was one scene in particular that really struck me and shows a brilliant feat of editing. Cady's math teacher, played by the hilarious Tina Fey, has a talk with her because she's not doing well even though she is brilliant at math. She expresses concern but Cady brushes her off. The next cut, Cady is in Regina's room complaining to the plastics not about the situation, but about Ms. Norbury. I froze in my seat. How many times have I done that? How many times have I complained about teachers because I didn't like the lesson or I didn't do well on an exam? How many Sunday's have I given myself the right to complain about a priest's homily or the way he said Mass? Everyone gossips to some degree. Even when we don't think the person hears us, they are still hurt by the invisible knives we throw at them. It also hurts us. Rather than speaking loving words, we foster evil in our heart. Each word of gossip fuels that evil.
If you want a lesson on gossip and the potential consequences, Mean Girls is the perfect movie. With social media making bullying even more rampant than when the film was first released, it's important for us to model how to talk to others IRL and online to our children. If they hear us gossiping about our neighbors, what are we to say to them when we find out they gossip about their classmates? The best way to fight any sin is prayer. Sometimes it may feel like the best thing to rant about someone on Facebook, even if you don't write their name. People who know the situation can see and the person you complain about may become hurt. The best way to combat the evil gossip in our heart is prayer. Start with praying for people you don't like and tend to gossip about. Pray for yourself so that you no  longer gossip. Most importantly, just don't talk unless you have something good to say. Next time you hear a good piece of gossip, pray for the person who told you and pray for the person who is being gossiped about. (They both probably need it!) Time with friends is better spent in joy rather than ugly chatter.

A Lesson in Humility

Humility is one of the seven virtues and may be the most important for it begins the journey to all other virtues. I am constantly learning humility, and I thought I was on the right track until last Monday and Tuesday a series of events brought me to great shame. Later that week I read the chapter on humility in Lisa Hendey's book The Grace of Yes: Eight Virtues for Generous Living which also brought me full circle to realize where I need to grow in humility. During this blog, I shall recount all my experiences in the hopes that they will help you see where you can grow in humility.
Last Monday, I had an appointment with the priest before Divine Liturgy and was running late. I called him on my cell phone and placed it on the trunk of the car when  the call was terminated in order to put my toddler in the carseat. Well, in classic Violet fashion I completely forgot about it. About five minutes before Liturgy, I open my purse in order to put my phone on silent, and it is gone. I panic because I remember what happened to my phone, knowing it could potentially be anywhere. I check the car, it is gone. I check the whole area around my apartment complex where I drove, and it was nowhere to be found. If I had lost it on the street, I was sure I would never see it again. I mostly was upset because I have only had my phone for about six months, and I bought it to replace my previous phone which had also disappeared only to be found three months after I bought a new one. Instead of a contract, we agreed to pay for our phones over a period of two years. I hadn't even finished paying for it, and it was gone. My husband had emailed me saying he received a text message from a woman who had found it. When he returned home, I called her and arranged a meeting. What she had done for me was so amazing, there was no way I could rightfully repay her. In a meager attempt to do so, I brought her three of my favorite cookies. The ones I had made for St. Nicholas. When I arrived at our meeting location, I noticed that it was not in as nice an area as where I live. We met in a Starbucks parking lot, but across the street were apartment buildings that I saw her walk towards at the conclusion of our meeting. When I finally saw her, her clothes were not as nice as mine. I could tell that she was probably not as well off as I am, and I'm not doing so well. She was so joyful when she returned my phone. She explained that when she was at the corner waiting to cross the street, she saw something fly off my car. She was curious what it was. A young lady took a look at it and walked away. This woman took a look herself and saw that it was a cell phone. She risked injury to grab it when no cars were coming and promptly texted my mom, my best friend, and my husband with a number to reach her. I was so grateful, and I know that she could have just kept it for herself or sold it, but she didn't. She was worried that I would be frantic wondering where it was. She also was grateful for the cookies.
I was so humbled. In her story, I know which person I probably would be. I probably would have been the young lady who saw the phone and kept walking. Let me tell you, I will never be that person again. I was also humbled by a poor woman servicing me. Growing up and still today, I am taught that it is important to be generous with the poor. I'm not great at this, but I do what I can. Rarely have I ever heard about someone poor doing something for someone of wealth. Christ says. . ."Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." (Mark 12:31) Your neighbor is all of God's children, so the implication is that if there is a need, the poor can serve the wealthy. True generosity and love is unconditional. If a woman with little is willing to do an act of love for me, how much more should I be willing to go out of my way to commit acts of love for those around me?
On Tuesday, I was once again shamed. I had a game on my cell phone that I would let my toddler play. I gave it to him as a distraction while I was in the bathroom brushing my hair. I'm brushing my hair, and I hear the game playing. Suddenly, I hear splashing next to me. My son had opened the toilet seat and was splashing in the toilet. (Don't worry, it was clean.) At the bottom of the toilet, however, was my cell phone. I was in utter horror. I took it out in an attempt to save it, but it was too late. It has since stopped working. This is not the first item my son has broken. He has broken three picture frames, spilled beans all over the floor, broke the food processor, and countless other acts of horror.  He has officially cost our family about $500 in damage including my cell phone. Sure, some parents may blame me for giving my kid my phone to play with. You know what though, he really liked that game. It was one of his favorite things to play with. It would often keep him quiet for a few minutes while I brushed my hair. How is this humbling? I shouldn't put too much value on something that met its end by the hands of my toddler in the bottom of the toilet. I also shouldn't put too much value on something that I often times put before my son.
I spent the week reflecting on these two events with an emphasis on Monday's events. Those two events began what I would consider the worst week of my life. And guess what, it's turning into the worst TWO weeks of my life. Hooray. I had been reading Lisa's book as part of a book club on Catholicmom.com just to make sure I read it a prayerful manner, and to read what other people think of the chapter. Last week, the chapter happened to be about humility, the very virtue I was praying about that week. With the help of the book, I realized where I was lacking in humility that is the root of both the events of last week.
Lisa spends much of the chapter talking about forgiving others and ourselves. God taught me that a few years ago, so I have no trouble forgiving others. (Especially since that is how I will be judged by God.) She began the chapter, though, talking about every professional's constant struggle between pride and humility. I could relate to that. As long as God is the root of our professional work, everything is fine. Alright, makes sense. She later quotes C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity to define humility as follows: "True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less." Wow, I felt like God whacked me over the head with that one. I had been focusing most of my "humility" on the first part, thinking less of myself. When it came to thinking of others though, I often times would even put myself even before my family. I realized how selfish I had been. Since I read this, I fortunately have been making an active effort to put others before myself. If I had found someone's cell phone, would I have done the same thing the woman did for me? Probably not. Hopefully with prayer and active selflessness, the answer will one day be "yes."
Everyone is called to humility because Christ was humble. "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Mark 10:45) If God is not exempt from serving others and placing others before himself, neither are we. All the great saints had emphasized the importance of humility, and all searched for it. If we are to join Christ in the beatific vision, we too need to wear the robe of humility.

Christmas Movie Roundup

I am a huge fan of Christmas movies, and the sappier the better. I have about 20 years of experience watching Christmas movies, so if you're looking for something to put you in the mood for Christmas, here at my top favorites.

1. The best Christmas movie out there is It's a Wonderful Life. My husband would argue it's not a Christmas movie, but it totally is. In fact, it was a box office flop but became a hit when aired the entire month of December during the late 1980's when the world realized what a brilliant film it is. Nothing more sappy or well written. George Bailey, the main character played by James Stewart, is the prime example of how God asks us to live our lives. Nothing but the best from Frank Capra.

2. A Christmas Story is a film every demographic will enjoy year after year full of memorable moments. It almost feels like it was one of your past Christmases. This is also the film which started the tradition of eating Chinese food on Christmas Day. 

3. A Muppet Christmas Carol is by far my favorite version of this Charles Dickens classic. This film maintains the spirit of the original story with all your favorite Muppet characters and such great music. One of the best Muppet movies for sure. 

4. This is where the list gets a little wonky because all the following movies don't really have as clear an order. It may even change day to day. I recently re-watched Love, Actually, so I'm going to put it here. It's such a fun romantic comedy with different stories with different outcomes all coming together at a school Christmas pageant somehow involving a lobster. 

5. The 1947 original version of Miracle on 34th St. is a classic. Brilliant story, acting, everything. Edmun Gwenn as Kris Kringle is just such a beautiful portrayal of a humble, noble Santa Claus.

6. Nothing Like the Holidays is a Hispanic Christmas movie about a typical Mexican-American family coming together to celebrate Christmas. I used to work in a movie theater and every week I was allowed to see a movie for free. One week, my mom and I saw this movie and were both quite pleased. It is such a rich story with the drama you find in a typical large family, not just a Hispanic family.

7. Santa Clause 1 & 2 are two films about the origin of Santa Clause. The first one is about Scott Calvin, played by Tim Allen, a divorced father who works for a toy company. He learns the true spirit of generosity and the magic of Christmas. The second one is about Santa finding Mrs. Claus. A romance about Santa Claus? How much better can it get?

8. Polar Express seems to be the only animated film on my list. I saw this in 3D when it was in theaters and the animation blew me away. By today's standards, it's a bit crude, but still quite magical. Tom Hanks plays about every character but the little boy. This is a great adaptation of a children's book with beautiful music to match.

9. Mystery Science Theater 3000 Santa Claus & Santa Claus Conquers the Martians are two of the funniest Christmas classics in the context of commentating robots, of course. Santa Claus is a Mexican film about the myth of Santa Claus. Just, wow. But with the talking robots, rather than being a cringe-worthy film is a laugh fest for the whole family. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is about Santa Claus keeping Martians from invading Earth. With Mike Nelson, Tom Servo, and Crow, it is another fun film that will keep you laughing until Christmas morning.

10. I mostly put Elf on the list because of its popularity. It's a good film, and when it came out it exploded with fame. I think what makes this movie unique is that Will Ferrell's character Buddy has innocence and though he's a bit naive, he quickly grows up without losing the Christmas spirit.

11. Dear Santa is a surprising film. There are so many other Christmas movies I could have put on the list, but I put this movie on for a number of reasons. Dear Santa is really indi and low-budget. The acting is mediocre along with the rest of the elements of the film. The characters and story, however, are so captivating. It's a pretty generic story of spoiled rich girl turned nice girl by handsome, perfect man. He clearly wasn't perfect though because the woman he was dating was not a good fit for him. The main character Crystal, played by Amy Acker, works hard to make herself worthy of such a good man and her heart genuinely changes throughout the movie. Of all the movies I could have put on the list, I added this one because it is such a pleasant surprise, you won't be disappointed.

Right now Netflix instant view is airing Muppet Christmas Carol, Love, Actually, and Dear Santa. You can rent the rest on this list from Amazon or Netflix.

Special mention of Charlie Brown Christmas special. Classic and so good. Watch it!

Vegan for the Holidays

Chocolate Mint Chocolate Chip cookies for St. Nicholas

My husband's students are worried that because I'm vegan my son will not have warm Christmas memories of cookies and treats. Well, this year no because we don't give him sugar, but for the last three years, Santa has enjoyed the vegan cookies we leave for him. Nicky has many years of delicious Christmas cookies to look forward to. It is different having a vegan holiday, especially for Thanksgiving. These are the times I am most tempted to throw aside the Tofurkey and enjoy an animal-based dinner. I have my little mantra I say to myself that keeps me in check, and I smile as I enjoy a delicious vegan food.

This year for Christmas Eve dinner, I decided to make for myself vegan Polish sausage and pirogi. At first I was very excited until I realized I would be the only one enjoying them. My husband claims he wants some, but we'll see how well the crab distracts him. Even my son will be having crab with the rest of the family. The holidays are supposed to be about bringing people together. This has been achieved throughout history with food. Each country that celebrates Christmas has their own traditional Christmas foods. Being from San Francisco, it was Dungeness Crab for our family. By intentionally refusing to participate in the foods of Christmas, I am choosing to separate myself from everyone else during a celebration. Desserts are usually vegan at the holidays because that's easy to accomplish and no one notices, so I can fully participate in dessert. For dinner, however, I end up feeling alone even though I'm surrounded by people who love me. At Thanksgiving this year, I was severely let down by my Tofurkey. In retrospect, I should have just made it myself instead of buying it frozen. Never doing that again. I also was too busy and forgot to put it in the oven on time. I ate my mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and green beans but had to have the "main course" after everyone had finished and was cleaning up. My son was even too full from potatoes, bread, and green beans to have any. When I did eat it, it tasted pretty bad. On the flipside, I didn't want turkey. I never really liked it anyways. I always found it dry and tasteless. What was I to do? I guess nothing really. Omit the "main dish" all together? What kind of celebration would that have been?

I really enjoy baking. This weekend, I made chocolate mint chocolate chip cookies for St. Nicholas. I normally bake desserts that are healthful so my husband can enjoy them without guilt, but these were for St. Nicholas. I couldn't not put sugar and butter in them. For our Christmas party every year, I bake three batches of cookies which last for days even after my friends devour half of them. Around here, I am the queen of desserts. No one ever complains about my desserts, even when full of healthful substitutions. That's probably why I enjoy baking so much. As I say, you put enough sugar in something and no one can tell it's vegan. I have plenty of friends who can attest to this. 

I guess once we move away, I won't have to worry about this anymore because we will be on our own for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We'll have vegan Polish sausage and pirogi for Christmas and homemade turkey roast for Thanksgiving. When my family and I are in our own home eating our own food, eating vegan feels normal, and I have no doubts. Things do become a bit sticky when at other people's homes or out to eat. Eating vegan can feel like a celebration because it is a lot of work when making things from scratch as I do. Even as a vegan, how can my seitan roast compete with a turkey, or my bean sausage with fresh crab? Even when surrounded by temptation, I know abandoning my vegan ways will not make me any happier, even if I would fit in better. I guess I just would like to meet one other person who is like me: Catholic and vegan.

Commentary on Killing Animals

A goat at the Santa Ana Zoo investigating us

I read a very touching article today on Huffington Post about a farmer who grows plants, raises animals, and enjoys hunting. The post is titled "Do I Enjoy Killing?" by Jenna Woginrich, a small farmer who was once a vegetarian herself. Even though I'm a vegan, I can appreciate what she has to say. In fact, it may have swayed me to allow my toddler to have some crab at Grandma and Grandpa's on Christmas Eve.
The title of the article comes from criticism she has faced by animal rights activists which is an over simplistic criticism. The statement reminds her of a school trip to a river. A fish was injured and beached, dying when a school boy dropped a rock on its head to "see what would happen." This infuriated Jenna. So when being accused of enjoying killing, in the end she concludes that she is not like the boy and she does not enjoy killing. She kills because it is necessary, she loves the animals, and loves her family. I really respect that. She even mentions how when roasting a lamb, she fasts all day so she can enjoy the lamb in the evening. As Byzantine Catholic, I really appreciate that attitude.
In the article, Jenna talks about what green eating really means. She knows all about factory farms, but one thing that I even struggle with that she mentions in the article is tofu. Soy beans are grown on a farm, shipped to a facility where they are processed, packaged, and shipped to the big city where I can buy it. When she goes hunting, she captures an animal that has been living in the environment around her. Which one sounds more environmentally sound? I do not have personal experience with farming as Jenna does, but the type of farming I have heard about that seems the most green is one that raises all the animals, allows them to do their unique chicken, cow, pig, etc. behavior, and grow crops on the same land. This is the type of farming children are taught about, but sadly is not what most farms look like. It is, however, what Jenna's farm sounds like.
Jenna loves sharing her animals with her friends and family. On their plates of course. In the article, she takes possession of her flock of sheep. She makes sacrifices to keep them comfortable, she knows what they give her, and she cares deeply for them as any good shepherd would. This is the Catholic attitude of animals. They are not to be placed above humans or even equated with humans. They are to be cherished and used as deemed necessary. When used properly, animal meat can be used to bring families together as a celebration like Turkey on Thanksgiving or Dungeness crab on Christmas Eve.
My blog post in response to Ms. Jenna's article may seem confusing considering I'm vegan. In my blog post "Debunking the Catholic Vegan Myth", I talk about how theologically sound it is to be either vegan or non-vegan, but factory farming is not the way to be non-vegan. Jenna's farm clearly embodies Catholic teaching on the treatment of animals and her attitude towards her animals is quite touching. In fact, her article is more loving towards animals than any other piece of writing I've read about being vegan.
If I appreciate Jenna's point of view, why do I continue to be vegan? As I explained in my blog post, I like it. I just do. No, I won't be eating crab on Christmas Eve with my family, but I don't really want to. Just before college, I knew my vegetarian options would be slim in the dining hall, and with the stress of starting a new life, I did not want to put in the effort to be vegetarian. The first non-veg meal I had was a Burger King Wopper. I was overwhelmingly unimpressed. As I ate my burger, I thought to myself, "I wish I had ordered the veggie burger." Since then, I have had In-N-Out and found a burger made of meat that I actually like. That has been the only real hamburger I have eaten that I've enjoyed and probably the only one I ever will eat if I ever eat meat again which is quite unlikely. However, if the need to buy meat should ever arise for family or any other reason, I will only buy ethically raised meat products from farms like Jenna's.