You are Good Enough

Mom-shaming is an art as old as parenting. It probably began with grunts and pointing at the beginning of human history, most often in cases of mental illness at that time. In modern times though, it has taken on a new and frightening scale. With the rise of social media, mom-shaming has gained international participation from more anonymous haters than could be counted. I would hope most people would agree that gossip and judging others is wrong. So wouldn't that also mean mom-shaming would be wrong? I would hope so.
God is the author of life which also means his is the author of families. Yes, we have free will but at some point during the creation process, the parents' free will ends leaving it up to God what the family ends up with. With adoption, there is more of the parents' will involved but hopefully with their heart open to God's voice. I was just telling another mom the other day that God knows best, so I'm fine with obeying Him. That includes his decision to give me one really spirited child and one fairly cautious child. Yes, God knows best what our families should look like. The parents are the ones whom the child needs and the child is the one whom the parents need hopefully with everyone's sanctification as the goal. Which means, moms, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.
Nobody has the right to judge other parents partially because behavioral issues may not be a matter of discipline. Another, parenting is a lifelong process as well as our sanctification. The human brain is not fully developed until early to mid twenties. Which means college students still don't have the same self-control as even a thirty-year old. And when a child is thrown into turmoil, his primitive brain really takes over. What does this all mean? SELF-CONTROL IS A LIFELONG PROCESS. How many of us adults have our own temper tantrums or engage in immature behaviors enviable of any preschooler? Is it because our parents didn't teach us any better? Most likely not. Sometimes maybe, but most of us know the difference between right and wrong.
Who best knows a child aside from God and Mary? The child's parents. Every family's values are different, every family's priorities are different, and with the parent's knowing what is best for their child ONLY the parents can decide what is best. Doctors, teachers, and therapists can make the best recommendations, but if the parents really don't agree they are either correct or in denial. Either way, the parents are responsible for shaping their family. If they decide to disagree with "professionals" for any reason, it's really up to them. Even in the end, much of how a child turns out is out a parents control. We don't have crystal balls and God will speak to our children differently than we may expect. Because we don't have crystal balls, we don't know if any of our fancy "techniques" will produce the desired results. God's will for our children may be different than our inward desires for them, but as mentioned earlier, He's really the one who knows best.
Based on my interactions with fellow parents and other children, I can tell when a child will turn out all right. Not based on whether or not the child receives time-outs or spankings. I can tell based on the parents' devotion. As imperfect as we parents are, our love for our children determines their future success. A loving parent will care if their child is inquisitive and will nurture that trait, a loving parent will treat their child with love so the child will know how to treat others with love, a loving parent will be present for a child so that he knows he is loved and valuable. Rich or poor, homeschool or public school, as long as a parent cares and is involved, the child has a chance at future happiness, holiness, and success.
Ultimately, we all need to take our cues from God. I do my best to find the parenting "methods" that most lines up with church teaching about love and mercy. I have read at least a dozen parenting books over the last two years. In fact, I get really frustrated because every time I want to read a recreational book, I find myself desperately turning to a parenting book for help with the latest issue. Most of the advice of which has either been forgotten or I've not had enough practice in order to implement it properly. When I truly make mistakes, I am acutely aware of it and have been working hard to avoid repeating mistakes. I too am a "saint in the making" as was once our Newman theme.
How does this all relate to the post's title "You are Good Enough"? Well, exactly what it says. No matter what people say or think, no matter your child's personality, as long as you love your child YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

Vegans and Lent

Nicky exploring our church

Ah, it's that time a year again where Catholics make Lenten promises that don't last a week and  suddenly every Catholic decides to eat fish on Fridays. Well, did you know that it used to be tradition that EVERY Catholic, not just those crazy Eastern Catholics, did not eat meat on Fridays? Also, did you know that Bl. Pope Paul VI said that when that requirement was removed that the intention was for Catholics to decide on their own reparation on Fridays and were encouraged to abstain from meat anyways? In a culture where we find meat on our tables for three meals a day, and sometimes snacks, that seems quite foolish.
Now, because I'm vegan, that means that I don't have to worry about Fridays, right? Wrong! Every Friday especially during Lent must remain solemn. People like going out on Friday nights to celebrate the end of the week, but maybe it's best to wait until Saturday night, especially during Lent. A tradition I wish to begin during this Lent and to carry on throughout the year is to do the Divine Mercy Chaplet at 3 PM with Nicky. The Divine Mercy Chaplet was given to St. Faustina, a Polish nun, during her many visions of Christ regarding Divine Mercy. On Good Friday, I also enjoy reflecting on the Way of the Cross with my family, a tradition which began with the ever famous St. Francis of Assisi. On the market are so many versions of the Way of the Cross that I'm sure anybody can find a version they like. This can easily be done throughout Lent as well and Fridays during the year.
Prayer is all well and good, so does that mean I don't need to make any physical sacrifices during Lent? No! As Catholics, we should make all kinds of sacrifices for we are creatures of body and spirit. Christ saved us through the sacrifice of his body, so it is good to sacrifice our body for Christ even if with deprivation rather than death. During Lent we are called to pray, fast, and give alms. Prayer is sacrificing your spirit, fasting is sacrificing your body, and alms giving is sacrificing your resources. I'm using the CRS Rice Bowl app to pledge one of my sacrifices every day during Lent and to pray.
It is unhealthy for me to fast during Lent even before I became pregnant with my first. I also already abstain from all animal products on a daily basis. What, then is left? In the Eastern Church, part of our history is also sacrificing wine and oil during times of fasting and abstinence. This encouraged me to try other sacrifices. For example, alcohol. That does not work perfectly though because while breastfeeding and being pregnant I don't drink alcohol anyways. That leaves caffeine. This is perfect! Even while pregnant and breastfeeding, I drink small amounts of caffeine daily either as coffee or tea. During Lent, then, I can offer up my morning caffeine kick. Sometimes I miss it and sometimes I don't. I then use the CRS Rice Bowl app to pledge the cost of my daily cup of tea.
So, by doing a daily reading as my spiritual adviser suggested either on my CRS Rice Bowl app or  in my Lenten booklet, by abstaining from caffeine, and by pledging the cost of that coffee, I am able to fully experience Lent. I hope everyone has examined what they can fast from. Another thing I'm trying to fast from is some of my more habitual sins. I of course encourage everyone to try vegan at least on Fridays, but few can handle that. It's never too late to start participating in Lent.

My Walk in One Life LA 2014

Both secular and religious news sources would agree that the pro-life movement is gaining momentum. National Catholic Register reported the lowest number of abortion centers in decades this past year. 40 Days for Life is done multiple times a year all over the world. This time of year, the month of January is the time of year for protests and marches. We are so fortunate to have groups of people who work so hard to lead these marches and people will travel far and wide for them. The largest march is the March for Life in DC on the anniversary of the infamous Roe V. Wade. People travel from all across the country and every prominent leader in the pro-life movement makes an appearance. The second largest is the Walk for Life West Coast in San Francisco. That I have attended every year since I met my husband. I may have done it sooner, but even though abortion has always been an important issue to me, I didn't even hear about the Walk for Life until I met him. The Walk for Life West Coast falls on the Saturday following the anniversary of Roe V. Wade, so if you wish to attend both rallies, you certainly may. This year, instead of going to the Walk for Life West Coast, Los Angeles is had their own rally this year which is brand new. We did way too much traveling over the holiday season, so we were glad they had a rally in LA this year.

The signs were great for blocking the sun

One Life Los Angeles is the name of the LA walk for life. It was a brand new event that kicked off with a great start. The walk began right outside Union Station at La Placita Olvera, passed the Cathedral, and ended at Grand Park right in front of City Hall. At both the pre-walk rally and the post-walk rally, there were plenty of speakers from local and international pro-life organizations including David Bereit, national director for 40 Days for Life, and Mother Agnes Mary Donovan, SV who is the First Superior General of the Sisters for Life.
I took the train into Los Angeles with my husband and toddler, our family friends Franklin and

Nicky liked holding the signs

Shannon, and some members of the Newman Club I graduated from.When we walked out of the train station, we knew where to go because we could see a massive crowd about a block from the train station. We walked around for a bit looking for signs, and holy moly! At the Walk for Life West Coast, you walk around to the different booths and groups to pick up signs. However, One Life had their own signs. So, there was a huge area of giant boxes filled to the brim with signs from One Life and all the other organizations. What we liked about the One Life signs was they were not just about the unborn but also the disabled and elderly. I liked the sign with a family on it.
Once we had our signs, we had about fifteen minutes until the walk started, so we decided to find a spot to wait for the walk to start. Also, half our group was coming from Long Beach instead of Orange County, so the Orange County group wanted to find a place where the Long Beach group could find us. We missed most of the speakers, but we did get to see Archbishop Gomez. That was so cool! I mean, I guess I see him every year at the Religious Education Congress, but it really gives validity to the event. We realized how Catholic the event was. Obviously, people of different religions spoke and there were non-Catholic groups at the event, but with the bishop blessing the event and no other religious leader, it really to us felt very Catholic. Which makes sense because it was put on by the Archdiocesan Office of Life, Justice and Peace. That may also explain why the bishop attended.
Once the group organizers initiated the walk, it took a good five to ten minutes for us to get walking. We were somewhere in the middle. One of the things we did that we do every year is keep an eye out for pro-choice protesters. At Walk for Life West Coast, there's usually a group of about 40 or fewer people. Honestly, you're not going to get a lot of people traveling across the country promoting abortion unless they work for, like Planned Parenthood or something. The group of pro-choice protesters was quite minimal. There were about five of them standing on one corner, and there was a larger group of pro-lifers standing around them at that same corner. It was quite pitiful. Shannon thought it may have been because this was the first year of the event which is the most likely scenario.
One part of the walk that was really cool and really fun was the diocesan high school band marched. They stopped in front of the Cathedral so that everyone in the walk could hear them perform. Towards the end of the walk, our Newman Club got out our rosaries and prayed. Some people around us joined us.
We finally arrived at the park and fortunately there were food trucks because we were hungry.We settled into a spot so we could listen to speakers, eat, and let my son play. Many pro-life groups had booths to promote their services. The speakers were so inspiring as they talked about life. A father of a down-syndrome son, a young lady who spent her life in foster care and was finally adopted at the age of 17, and lives saved right in LA county because of 40 days for life. So moving, I was brought to tears. The event really proves that the pro-life movement isn't just about ending abortion, but about valuing each individual life. Each life matters because God created that person. Each person deserves dignity and love. It's about loving and celebrating life. Most of the world's problems could be solved if everyone gave Christ's sacrificial love to all those whom they encounter. To end with the rally's slogan, "Be somebody to somebody." God bless.

Why I Got Rid of My Cell Phone and am Not Replacing It.

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about the sad demise of my cell phone. Well, following that, the next step was to go about replacing it. I'm going to recount that process to explain why I'm ultimately abandoning cell phones forever.

After my phone broke, we contacted Verizon to find out our options. "Luckily", we bought insurance, so I could file a claim and replace my phone. Well, upon filing the claim, we found out we had to pay half of what we initially had to pay to buy the phone. On top of that, it was quite expensive to pay the data plan and everything on a monthly basis. I was so upset because realizing how much money my phone was costing me, the life value was just not worth it, even before Nicky's little mishap.

Especially because my husband will begin school in the fall, we're really trying to pay down our debt and live within our means. The last couple months have left us with not very much extra cash. When my phone got lost within the depths of our couch early last year before I replaced it, I knew I couldn't be responsible for a cell phone. I wanted a landline. I kept using Nick's phone to text my mom, though, so after a few months we upgraded to smartphones. It was nice having a phone especially with a nice camera. Well, all I really needed was a time telling device (I have a watch), a small camera so I don't have to take my DSLR everywhere (we have a point-and-shoot that fits in my purse), and a phone, so I can call people especially during the day when Nick has his phone at work. Anything I use the smart stuff for I can use on Nick's phone or my iPad.

The cost and the headache of being responsible for a cell phone are the biggest reasons I'm not replacing it. Not just how expensive it is, but how expensive it is compared to the value of how it enriches my life. It just is not worth it. When we found out how much money we will save every month, I realized I can get more supplies I need to continue working on Nicky's baby scrapbook which has been on hold because I ran out of pages. Now, I can buy some. I was overjoyed when I found that out.
I continue to mention how I am incapable of being responsible for a cell phone and how stressful it is. Well, over the years I have lost my phones many times. Usually they are found, but especially after becoming a mom when I have so many other priorities than "Where did I put my cell phone?" I realize that I just don't want to keep track of it. I don't like wasting time trying to find it because that seems to be a daily task. I have enough frustration finding all the ingredients when I'm trying to make dinner, I hate having to do that with my cell phone too.
In the Christian life, it is important to live simply in order to focus on what really matters. Everything we do needs to be in support of our values: faith and family. We can't spend every moment in the Church or with our family, so any time away from those two should still support those values. Our careers, for example, should be done in order to support our family and to serve God. If our careers compromise our Christian faith in any way, we should consider other options. Getting rid of a cell phone is a huge simplification in support of my values.
Ever since I realized we can't take everything with us when we move, I have been purging our apartment of anything that is a waste of space. Anything we take with us will cost us time and money, so we have to decide how much each of our possessions are worth to us. Obviously we can't get rid of everything, but we can get rid of anything we don't need or that compromises what's important to us. The same is said of our finances. When I realized how out of control our spending was, I realized that what we both really wanted was a comfortable life. We had been trying to live the extravagant life, even with the excess smartphone. Living in extravagance now could cost us comfort in the future. Getting rid of my cell phone both simplifies my life and my budget. With our spending under control, a purging of our apartment in progress, hopefully our lives will be more comfortable and more joyful.

So, how am I replacing my phone? No, I'm not getting a pay as you go phone or even a cheapo cell phone. (Don't want to keep track of a cell phone, remember?) Our internet currently has a deal where for an additional $10/month we can add basic cable and a phone line to our plan. Today, the cable guy came to install everything. I love OnDemand. :-) Yesterday, we went to Target to buy a phone. I bought the absolute cheapest which is a corded phone without a speaker or an answering machine, and I'm very happy. Yes, whenever I get a phone call, I will have to stand awkwardly next to the TV, but at least I have caller ID.

A Lesson on Gossip from Mean Girls

In high school, most people experienced some level of drama. All those raging hormones especially among the girls are bound to flare up in endless cat fights. However, as the song "High School Never Ends" by Bowling for Soup points out, the drama does not end, it just opens up onto a wider scale and becomes more adult, so to speak. Because of this, the movie Mean Girls has a lesson for everyone, not just girls or women. Mean Girls is about gossip among girls in high school, but it causes you to think about the gossip in your life.

I first saw this film in theaters with my dad. I hadn't heard much about it but my dad wanted to take me because all the grad students my dad was working with at UC Berkeley had recommended it. This was before I knew anything about Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. We both enjoyed it very much. Cady Heron played by Lindsay Lohan is transplanted from growing up in South Africa to a typical American high school in the Midwest. Being so pretty and exotic, she is instantly picked up by the Plastics whose queen bee is Regina George played by Rachel McAdams. What starts out as a mission to bring down the reigning group, Cady realizes how broken her new friends actually are.

The main issue Mean Girls deals with is gossip. You know the saying "Devil makes work for idle hands?" The same can be said for idle tongues too. Cady constantly feels uncomfortable around the plastics because of the awful things they constantly say about people. They even have a burn book with photos and insults about everyone in school. Even when Cady participates by saying nice things, Cady quickly learns that that too can become gossip.

At one point, I felt very sorry for Regina. Her mother, played by the brilliant Amy Poehler, cares very little what her daughters do. It seems as though the only way Regina knows how to deal with the hurt is to put others down to feel better about her own miserable life. When offered a chance for redemption, however, she blatantly refuses and clearly not out of ignorance, simply pride.

I had a horrible time in middle school because of gossip. No one wanted to be my friend because I would defend the targets of gossip rather than participate. I then was also the target of gossip even among the boys who I would often catch snickering at me. I was not so much hurt by the things people said, but I was hurt by the simple isolation of not being a part of the group and just being a target for no reason, really. In Mean Girls, everyone at Cady's high school feels that same rejection. The Plastics are the fuel, but everybody gossips. In Cady's attempt to infiltrate the Plastics, she finds herself turning into them. Despite her dislike of the burn book, in a very powerful scene she writes something about a teacher that is completely false and places the teacher under a police investigation. Left unchecked, gossip spreads like weeds and spirals out of control. When in a rage, it is easy to make targets out of innocent bystanders rather than take responsibility for our actions or foster a spirit of understanding.

I decided on this film and this topic because it's such a sneaky and seemingly innocent sin. It's a wolf disguised as all kinds of herbivore skins. This film was recently put on Netflix stream, so on a quiet evening to myself, I decided to watch it again. As entertaining a film it is to watch, I had a gut wrenching experience because I could see evil parts of myself in the actions of many of those teenagers. While I don't keep a burn book, it is so easy to complain about people we don't like, to say things about people who hurt us, and make comments about people who are a little odd. When we do those things, we strip away their God-given dignity. There was one scene in particular that really struck me and shows a brilliant feat of editing. Cady's math teacher, played by the hilarious Tina Fey, has a talk with her because she's not doing well even though she is brilliant at math. She expresses concern but Cady brushes her off. The next cut, Cady is in Regina's room complaining to the plastics not about the situation, but about Ms. Norbury. I froze in my seat. How many times have I done that? How many times have I complained about teachers because I didn't like the lesson or I didn't do well on an exam? How many Sunday's have I given myself the right to complain about a priest's homily or the way he said Mass? Everyone gossips to some degree. Even when we don't think the person hears us, they are still hurt by the invisible knives we throw at them. It also hurts us. Rather than speaking loving words, we foster evil in our heart. Each word of gossip fuels that evil.
If you want a lesson on gossip and the potential consequences, Mean Girls is the perfect movie. With social media making bullying even more rampant than when the film was first released, it's important for us to model how to talk to others IRL and online to our children. If they hear us gossiping about our neighbors, what are we to say to them when we find out they gossip about their classmates? The best way to fight any sin is prayer. Sometimes it may feel like the best thing to rant about someone on Facebook, even if you don't write their name. People who know the situation can see and the person you complain about may become hurt. The best way to combat the evil gossip in our heart is prayer. Start with praying for people you don't like and tend to gossip about. Pray for yourself so that you no  longer gossip. Most importantly, just don't talk unless you have something good to say. Next time you hear a good piece of gossip, pray for the person who told you and pray for the person who is being gossiped about. (They both probably need it!) Time with friends is better spent in joy rather than ugly chatter.

A Lesson in Humility

Humility is one of the seven virtues and may be the most important for it begins the journey to all other virtues. I am constantly learning humility, and I thought I was on the right track until last Monday and Tuesday a series of events brought me to great shame. Later that week I read the chapter on humility in Lisa Hendey's book The Grace of Yes: Eight Virtues for Generous Living which also brought me full circle to realize where I need to grow in humility. During this blog, I shall recount all my experiences in the hopes that they will help you see where you can grow in humility.
Last Monday, I had an appointment with the priest before Divine Liturgy and was running late. I called him on my cell phone and placed it on the trunk of the car when  the call was terminated in order to put my toddler in the carseat. Well, in classic Violet fashion I completely forgot about it. About five minutes before Liturgy, I open my purse in order to put my phone on silent, and it is gone. I panic because I remember what happened to my phone, knowing it could potentially be anywhere. I check the car, it is gone. I check the whole area around my apartment complex where I drove, and it was nowhere to be found. If I had lost it on the street, I was sure I would never see it again. I mostly was upset because I have only had my phone for about six months, and I bought it to replace my previous phone which had also disappeared only to be found three months after I bought a new one. Instead of a contract, we agreed to pay for our phones over a period of two years. I hadn't even finished paying for it, and it was gone. My husband had emailed me saying he received a text message from a woman who had found it. When he returned home, I called her and arranged a meeting. What she had done for me was so amazing, there was no way I could rightfully repay her. In a meager attempt to do so, I brought her three of my favorite cookies. The ones I had made for St. Nicholas. When I arrived at our meeting location, I noticed that it was not in as nice an area as where I live. We met in a Starbucks parking lot, but across the street were apartment buildings that I saw her walk towards at the conclusion of our meeting. When I finally saw her, her clothes were not as nice as mine. I could tell that she was probably not as well off as I am, and I'm not doing so well. She was so joyful when she returned my phone. She explained that when she was at the corner waiting to cross the street, she saw something fly off my car. She was curious what it was. A young lady took a look at it and walked away. This woman took a look herself and saw that it was a cell phone. She risked injury to grab it when no cars were coming and promptly texted my mom, my best friend, and my husband with a number to reach her. I was so grateful, and I know that she could have just kept it for herself or sold it, but she didn't. She was worried that I would be frantic wondering where it was. She also was grateful for the cookies.
I was so humbled. In her story, I know which person I probably would be. I probably would have been the young lady who saw the phone and kept walking. Let me tell you, I will never be that person again. I was also humbled by a poor woman servicing me. Growing up and still today, I am taught that it is important to be generous with the poor. I'm not great at this, but I do what I can. Rarely have I ever heard about someone poor doing something for someone of wealth. Christ says. . ."Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." (Mark 12:31) Your neighbor is all of God's children, so the implication is that if there is a need, the poor can serve the wealthy. True generosity and love is unconditional. If a woman with little is willing to do an act of love for me, how much more should I be willing to go out of my way to commit acts of love for those around me?
On Tuesday, I was once again shamed. I had a game on my cell phone that I would let my toddler play. I gave it to him as a distraction while I was in the bathroom brushing my hair. I'm brushing my hair, and I hear the game playing. Suddenly, I hear splashing next to me. My son had opened the toilet seat and was splashing in the toilet. (Don't worry, it was clean.) At the bottom of the toilet, however, was my cell phone. I was in utter horror. I took it out in an attempt to save it, but it was too late. It has since stopped working. This is not the first item my son has broken. He has broken three picture frames, spilled beans all over the floor, broke the food processor, and countless other acts of horror.  He has officially cost our family about $500 in damage including my cell phone. Sure, some parents may blame me for giving my kid my phone to play with. You know what though, he really liked that game. It was one of his favorite things to play with. It would often keep him quiet for a few minutes while I brushed my hair. How is this humbling? I shouldn't put too much value on something that met its end by the hands of my toddler in the bottom of the toilet. I also shouldn't put too much value on something that I often times put before my son.
I spent the week reflecting on these two events with an emphasis on Monday's events. Those two events began what I would consider the worst week of my life. And guess what, it's turning into the worst TWO weeks of my life. Hooray. I had been reading Lisa's book as part of a book club on Catholicmom.com just to make sure I read it a prayerful manner, and to read what other people think of the chapter. Last week, the chapter happened to be about humility, the very virtue I was praying about that week. With the help of the book, I realized where I was lacking in humility that is the root of both the events of last week.
Lisa spends much of the chapter talking about forgiving others and ourselves. God taught me that a few years ago, so I have no trouble forgiving others. (Especially since that is how I will be judged by God.) She began the chapter, though, talking about every professional's constant struggle between pride and humility. I could relate to that. As long as God is the root of our professional work, everything is fine. Alright, makes sense. She later quotes C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity to define humility as follows: "True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less." Wow, I felt like God whacked me over the head with that one. I had been focusing most of my "humility" on the first part, thinking less of myself. When it came to thinking of others though, I often times would even put myself even before my family. I realized how selfish I had been. Since I read this, I fortunately have been making an active effort to put others before myself. If I had found someone's cell phone, would I have done the same thing the woman did for me? Probably not. Hopefully with prayer and active selflessness, the answer will one day be "yes."
Everyone is called to humility because Christ was humble. "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Mark 10:45) If God is not exempt from serving others and placing others before himself, neither are we. All the great saints had emphasized the importance of humility, and all searched for it. If we are to join Christ in the beatific vision, we too need to wear the robe of humility.

Debunking the Catholic Vegan Myth

When I first told my husband, then fiance, that I wanted to be vegan, he freaked out on me. He criticized me and became very hostile. I explained to him that I was a vegetarian for a long time before I stopped and after doing some more research, I just couldn't in good conscience continue eating meat. My husband later admitted that one reason he freaked out is because the only vegans he had ever met were mean and judgmental. I asked him if I was mean and judgmental, he said, "No," so I asked why changing my diet would change that about me, and he had no response. This is not a commentary on my husband, but he represents a group of Catholics out there who may oppose being vegan or vegetarian because of all the negative ideas the vegan community represents. It seems to me that the idea of veganism is tied very closely to New Age philosophy which I do not support. I try not to associate myself with anything religiously or philosophically questionable, so I would like to explain how a person can be Catholic and can be vegan.
Yes, yes, I know we are designed to eat meat. Yes, yes, I know God gave Moses the animals and Peter was told that all animals are clean. (My Ignatian Catholic Study Bible, by the way, says that it was an allegory of the Old Law being abolished in Christ and that Gentiles were welcome into Christianity.) So how can I justify not eating meat? Well, also in Genesis, man was given dominion over animals. Unlike most vegans, the actual eating of meat does not offend me. It does gross me out a little, though, you can ask my husband. The actual idea of it though, I find acceptable. What dominion means is caring for the earth and using (not abusing) her resources. You cannot find a faithful Catholic that would say animal abuse is holy. In fact, grave animal abuse is considered a grave sin. See CCC 2457. The main reason I decided to become vegan was to relieve the suffering of the animals. Yes, the cows and pigs on your plate most likely suffered in some way before they were killed. I will not go into details, I encourage you to do your own research. For this reason, I support grass fed beef and local farms ethically raise their pigs and chickens. Meat that comes from well treated animals is more expensive and more delicious, but that's why I encourage people to spend their money on good meat and then eat less of it. A mostly vegetarian diet.
If the animals don't die to make milk or eggs, why not eat those? Again, it's the suffering. Mother cow and calf are constantly separated and calves often sent to be made into veal. With egg-laying chickens, well, again without details they suffer pretty horrifically, and to be honest, neither are really necessary. We find a woman's milk grotesque to drink, but we have no problem taking it out of a cow? Where's the logic in that? Cow's milk is for baby cows and Mom's milk is for baby humans. My friends ask me that if I owned a chicken, would I eat her eggs? My response is if I liked eggs, then yes, I would. But I hate eggs anyways and can bake just as well without them, so I have zero desire to ever consume an egg again. As far as ethical substitutes, I there is grass fed cow milk on the market, and I read that because of the cow's larger variety in diet, the milk's taste changes. For eggs, I have found the best option that my husband buys is American Humane Certified. We buy them at Target, but I have seen them at Safeway. They are more expensive, but my response is to just eat fewer eggs.
Aren't people more important than animals? ABSOLUTELY. The Catechism of the Catholic Church also states that even though it is important to be respectful of animals, it is a mistake to treat them more importantly than we treat people. (2418) This is why I spend more time protesting abortion than protesting CAFOs. The advantage to being vegan or to being mostly vegan, is that we can still serve humans while maintaining the dignity of animals. This is why I truly consider myself pro-life because I place human life first but I also remember our animal companions.

My son and a vegan raspberry sorbet we shared at a very expensive restaurant in Disneyland celebrating his 1st birthday. The chef came out and had a satisfying vegan meal on hand for us.

What about fasting? Yes, well, this does bring about a dilemma every year around Lent and St. Phillip's fast. The way I observe fasting for now is that I abstain from caffeine on days when everyone else is abstaining from meat. What I will most likely do with my kids is on days meant to fast, we will abstain from anything with added sugar such as desserts and soda. (Although hopefully the soda thing won't really be an issue) As a Catholic, I know we have seasons of the year, and it is important to observe those seasons, so I just find my own way to do extra penance. (Because believe me, being vegan is penance.)
Another piece of resistance I have met that surprised me the most is turning food into a "god." That by having a particular diet, I obsess with food. I admit, at first, I read a lot of labels. I encourage you to do that whether or not you have a particular diet. But someone who has a lactose, nut, or gluten allergy has to read labels too, right? Does that mean they're turning food into a god? No, it means they're trying not to get sick or die. How do you balance maintaining a diet and not turning your diet into a god? Pray about it, for one thing. I still pray about being vegan. About whether or not it is the right choice for me. My spiritual adviser encourages it, so I'm not going to question him. Now that I know what's vegan and what's not, I'm not so scrupulous about labels anymore. As far as attending parties and such, I let the host know I'm vegan, and if I can't be accommodated I eat beforehand or bring something for myself. When I host a party, I like to accommodate special diets too, so I don't feel bad just letting the host know. I got into a huge fight with my husband and my dad about whether or not our wedding cake should be vegan. It did end up being vegan and nobody noticed. Now, if you practice a mostly vegan diet, and you're going over to someone's house for a meal, you can plan that as one of your few meat meals for the week. The Catechism also talks about maintaining physical health as a good as long as it does not interfere with the common good. (CCC 2288) If your diet turns you into a mean person or endangers you for whatever reason,  probably should rethink that. It is important, however, to maintain a healthy diet out of respect for yourself, your loved ones, and most importantly the Creator. What may seem like to some scrupulosity, to me is just life. I don't feel like I obsess. I have my vegan cookbooks, food blogs, etc, and I work from there like any other family would.

Sweetpea bakery in Portland, OR (vegan)

So, I have presented appropriate substitutions for eating meat. Why do I not then adopt those? Mostly personal reasons. I really don't like killing animals even though I see how acceptable it is. I like being vegan. I really do. I love trying new vegan recipes and restaurants. I'm a vegan food blog junkie. I think my largest Pinterest board is my Vegan Food board. I do encourage my husband to eat appropriate substitutes, and my parents buy grass fed beef. And even though I have presented ideas on how to eat more expensive meat, it plain tastes better. During my brief non-vegetarian period in college, I ate some of my parents' grass fed beef, and it was way better than the regular stuff. Made me not dislike hamburgers so much. In California, we have In-n-Out which serves grass fed beef. Even during my non-vegetarian phase, I would eat veggie burgers except at In-n-Out. They are so delish! So why not eat them? Of the very few meat foods that do tempt me, In-n-Out is one of them. Even though I know it's ok, I just don't really want to. I'm perfectly happy eating my veggie burger. Plus, the idea of eating a dead cows is a little gross to me. I know many of you are unwilling to surrender your meat, but maybe consider where you can cut back on meat. Have beans for breakfast instead of beacon. (Don't worry, you can put your beacon on your salad with dinner.) Have a hummus wrap instead of a turkey sandwich for lunch. Your health will be better off too!
For further research I encourage you to see the movie Food, Inc. and read Dominion by Matthew Scully and The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan.

Welcome to Lunch in the Garden of Eden

Hello, and welcome to Lunch in the Garden of Eden. Allow me to introduce myself and my new blog. My name is Violet Olszyk. I am a Californian born and raised. I moved from NorCal to SoCal to pursue a career in film. (God had other plans.) I studied film at CSULB in film theory with an emphasis on Production Management. I spent more time writing papers than producing movies, however. During my time at CSULB, I grew in my faith thanks to the Catholic Newman Club. Through the Newman Club, I met my wonderful husband. Before I started my last semester at CSULB, I became pregnant with my darling boy. Now, nothing to do with CSULB. I have developed and interest in food, particularly the ethics of veganism and how to incorporate all that into faith. I will be exploring that topic in particular through the blog more so than I have up until this point. I mentioned that I am Catholic; I was raised roman Catholic but now practice the Byzantine Rite. I love the Byzantine Rite which I was introduced to through my husband who will be joining the Byzantine seminary next fall. Our journey with that will be featured on the blog as well. This blog is about a stay-at-home Byzantine Catholic Mom who likes movies and vegan food. With that, I will introduce you to my blog which will feature my four favorite "F's": faith, family, film, and food.
Faith is the absolute center of my life, so I can't keep it out of my blog. You may notice my faith appear in blog posts that have nothing to do with faith! I encourage those non-Catholics out there to keep an open mind. I do not boast of my faith in order to shame others, but in the hopes that you may appreciate the beauty of it that I see. Faith plays a central role in my daily decisions from how to put my son to sleep, what to eat, and what to watch. God has shown me that I cannot live without Him, which means I cannot write without Him. I hope rather than finding my faith hostile, you see it as beautiful. I welcome comments that would disagree as long as they are not mean-spirited, negative, or hostile. I especially will focus on Byzantine spirituality, but I still have a little Roman in me.
In service of the Lord, I serve my family. I have given up everything for them. When my husband becomes a priest, I will give everything else, including my family, to the church. I am not a perfect parent, and I know very little about parenting. Much like my journey with food, I will be using the blog to explore topics of parenting. I have a great post in mind involving cloth diapering! (That, I do know a lot about.) There are many topics that can be explored here from finances to church to daily life. The list is endless since family plays such an important role in our lives.
I have been watching movies since I was younger than my son is. My mom told me my favorite was Mary Poppins, and I would spend all day watching it. (My son's favorite is Frozen, by the way, and he cannot stand watching it for more than 40 minutes at a time.) I spent so much time watching Mary Poppins, I figured out how to rewind and play the video tape. Then a few months ago I realized, I had really good taste in movies when I was a 10-month-old. I have been making movies since my first documentary on Christmas Day 1998 when I received my first video camera and editing software. Most of my free time since then has been spent watching and making movies. Now, I write more about movies. I hope to delve into social and spiritual topics as well as write my own reviews once in a while about movies I see. The most recent film I have seen is Big Hero 6. This weekend, thanks to my mom, my husband and I will see Interstellar, so look out for a review of it next Wednesday.
Finally, I will mention food. Since I moved into an apartment in fall 2011, I have become very interested in food. Being vegan, I pretty much have to prepare everything from scratch. I even make my own "fake" meat because the store bought kind is expensive. Another reason is because a vegan diet is an entirely different approach to eating. Animal meat no longer plays a starring role and dairy and eggs are nowhere to be found, so these must be replaced by plant foods even in our favorite comfort food. My husband admitted to me that he has had to grow used to not having meat as the center of the meal. My journey in a vegan diet has allowed my appreciation for vegan food to grow, and I enjoy creating elaborate meals once a week for my family and easy meals the rest of the week. I will explore a variety of vegan food to encourage you to maybe try some even if you're not vegan. It could be a good route to go for Lent or St. Phillip's fast.
I know my blog will cover a large range of topics, but I have a large range of interests. I'm excited to start sharing this journey called life, and I hope you are too.

yes, this is my little family outside Haunted Mansion on a Monday night "just because."

You can find the original post on my visit to Our Lady of Guadalupe on my Violet in Mexico blog here.