You are Good Enough

Mom-shaming is an art as old as parenting. It probably began with grunts and pointing at the beginning of human history, most often in cases of mental illness at that time. In modern times though, it has taken on a new and frightening scale. With the rise of social media, mom-shaming has gained international participation from more anonymous haters than could be counted. I would hope most people would agree that gossip and judging others is wrong. So wouldn't that also mean mom-shaming would be wrong? I would hope so.
God is the author of life which also means his is the author of families. Yes, we have free will but at some point during the creation process, the parents' free will ends leaving it up to God what the family ends up with. With adoption, there is more of the parents' will involved but hopefully with their heart open to God's voice. I was just telling another mom the other day that God knows best, so I'm fine with obeying Him. That includes his decision to give me one really spirited child and one fairly cautious child. Yes, God knows best what our families should look like. The parents are the ones whom the child needs and the child is the one whom the parents need hopefully with everyone's sanctification as the goal. Which means, moms, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.
Nobody has the right to judge other parents partially because behavioral issues may not be a matter of discipline. Another, parenting is a lifelong process as well as our sanctification. The human brain is not fully developed until early to mid twenties. Which means college students still don't have the same self-control as even a thirty-year old. And when a child is thrown into turmoil, his primitive brain really takes over. What does this all mean? SELF-CONTROL IS A LIFELONG PROCESS. How many of us adults have our own temper tantrums or engage in immature behaviors enviable of any preschooler? Is it because our parents didn't teach us any better? Most likely not. Sometimes maybe, but most of us know the difference between right and wrong.
Who best knows a child aside from God and Mary? The child's parents. Every family's values are different, every family's priorities are different, and with the parent's knowing what is best for their child ONLY the parents can decide what is best. Doctors, teachers, and therapists can make the best recommendations, but if the parents really don't agree they are either correct or in denial. Either way, the parents are responsible for shaping their family. If they decide to disagree with "professionals" for any reason, it's really up to them. Even in the end, much of how a child turns out is out a parents control. We don't have crystal balls and God will speak to our children differently than we may expect. Because we don't have crystal balls, we don't know if any of our fancy "techniques" will produce the desired results. God's will for our children may be different than our inward desires for them, but as mentioned earlier, He's really the one who knows best.
Based on my interactions with fellow parents and other children, I can tell when a child will turn out all right. Not based on whether or not the child receives time-outs or spankings. I can tell based on the parents' devotion. As imperfect as we parents are, our love for our children determines their future success. A loving parent will care if their child is inquisitive and will nurture that trait, a loving parent will treat their child with love so the child will know how to treat others with love, a loving parent will be present for a child so that he knows he is loved and valuable. Rich or poor, homeschool or public school, as long as a parent cares and is involved, the child has a chance at future happiness, holiness, and success.
Ultimately, we all need to take our cues from God. I do my best to find the parenting "methods" that most lines up with church teaching about love and mercy. I have read at least a dozen parenting books over the last two years. In fact, I get really frustrated because every time I want to read a recreational book, I find myself desperately turning to a parenting book for help with the latest issue. Most of the advice of which has either been forgotten or I've not had enough practice in order to implement it properly. When I truly make mistakes, I am acutely aware of it and have been working hard to avoid repeating mistakes. I too am a "saint in the making" as was once our Newman theme.
How does this all relate to the post's title "You are Good Enough"? Well, exactly what it says. No matter what people say or think, no matter your child's personality, as long as you love your child YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

A Parent's Guide to Preschool Television

We now live in a very strange time in history. Where once parents considered television to be the bad guy, I would now argue that among your technological options, television may be the safest. With nine-year-olds having cell phones and my own two-year-old possessing his own Kindle Fire, it can be scary navigating the technological landscape. I have read a lot about this and some experts would say television is bad and children should never watch it while some say it's OK in moderation. Some experts would say that children should never play video games, but how can we parents fight that when teachers hand out iPads to preschoolers and call it "education?" As I have explored homeschooling and watched my son interact with technology in a way that our parents couldn't even fathom when I was a kid, I have learned a lot about the use of technology with toddlers and preschoolers. I will save video games and devices for another time, but today I'm going to play favoritism and advocate why television may be a good option for your preschooler and how to approach the whole matter. My experience is limited to toddlers and preschoolers, so that is where I will focus.

Father and son enjoying Mary Poppins together.

First of all, some parents and experts would say to never let your preschooler watch television. While it's not inherently evil to hold such an opinion, neither is allowing your child to watch as much television as he would like. Fortunately, we're Catholic, so we have the virtue of temperance. (Yay, Catholics!) Temperance is basically all good things in moderation. Personally, I do not advocate for allowing your child to consume as much media as he pleases for he has not yet developed self control. Neither would I advocate for never allowing media for how can a child learn self-control around media with no exposure to it at all? It may be different for preschoolers, but let me help you out with the appropriate way to teach a healthy relationship with television with your preschooler.

First of all, do NOT be fooled by "educational" television. Yes, I love and advocate for Sesame Street. However, television should be used to reinforce what your preschooler has already learned from the world around him, not be a substitute for life experience and true education. Yes, educational television is OK, but do not treat it like class time. The only exception to that that I would say is for in cases of learning ASL or a foreign language and only if it is used as a tool within a broader curriculum. The best educational show out there by far is Sesame Street but right up there is Tumble Leaf. It may first appear that Tumble Leaf is not an educational show but it is. Tumble Leaf teaches preschoolers about science and in the best way possible. Rather than lecturing preschoolers, children are taken on a journey with Fig the fox to explore the world. My son has seen concepts on the show and applied them to real life. He saw a magnifying glass on Tumble Leaf and now picks one up whenever he sees it. The same can be true of many other tools he's seen on the show. What makes Tumble Leaf unique is the seamless weaving of art, story, and education. It's a show I find myself enjoying. This show is so countercultural because it's released on Amazon, it's CLAYMATION (no kids' show is claymation), and as I said it is educational in the way that the target audience truly learns. If you're concerned about your kids watching educational TV, those are the two I would advocate for.

Second, there is an appropriate way to watch television with your preschooler. I'm not perfect at doing this, but parent and child should be interacting throughout the show they are watching. As I said, television should not be educational but even Jesus used storytelling to teach morals. My favorite show about teaching morals to preschoolers is Daniel Tiger's  Neighborhood. Daniel Tiger is a modern version of Mister Rogers's Neighborhood of Makebelieve. As Ni and I watch the show together, we talk about what is going on. How do the characters feel? How do they react to certain situations? The show has catchy tunes which can be helpful for kids to remember things such as penance after forgiveness, what to do when we're mad, and using our words to express our feelings. Ni will take games and "advice" from the show and apply it to his own life. For example, we went out to a restaurant a week ago and that morning he happened to watch the episode of Daniel Tiger where Daniel goes to a restaurant for the twentieth time. While we were out, Ni played a game he saw on the show, and it kept him entertained the entire meal. Lots of shows, not just Daniel Tiger, can be used in a similar fashion. (Octonauts being another family favorite.) My point is, when a preschooler does watch television, it should be conducted in a similar fashion to storytime on a loving caregiver's lap. 

Thirdly, beware of bad television! Even though there is a plethora of amazing television shows for preschoolers out there, there still are some that are just okay and some that are just bad. One example of a bad show for preschoolers is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. No, I'm not just out for revenge, I have some legitimate concerns. I have been an avid television watcher since I was Na's age. I know what I'm talking about, people. On the surface, this show seems benign. However, my biggest concern is that the show is not designed with the best interest of the viewer in mind like some of the other shows aforementioned. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is specifically designed to simply bring pleasure and entertainment to a child rather than build up his or her brain or heart. Most of the storylines are superficial, the characters have been distorted from their original beauty to more dull, one-dimensional characters, and they try to disguise their propaganda by being educational because they "teach" children their colors and how to count. The show is designed to give children warm fuzzy feelings about Mickey Mouse and his comrades, so that they'll want every Mickey Mouse toy they see and will beg to go to Disneyland. (Though Ni has other reasons to beg to go to Disneyland.) Television can be used to build a child's attention span (Sesame Street is very good for that) but everything about Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is designed to keep a child engaged for every second rather than build any skills. I might be okay with all of this if the animation or stories could make up for it. Sadly, that is not the case. That being said, yes, I let Ni watch the show. He really only watches his favorite episodes and he gets a healthy variety of other shows. I would advise, however, if your child has never seen Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, NEVER show it to them. If they have seen it, either keep them from watching it or make sure they watch a variety of other shows. Plus, the music is really bad. Just throwing that out there. 

Wow, I wrote a lot more than I was intending. This particular topic is very personal to me partially because as I have mentioned I have been watching and analyzing television and film since I was my baby boy's age. It can also be scary as a parent hearing horror stories of the dangers of media. I want to give a perspective that was balanced and positive. The bottom line is, there is so much media out there. Take advantage of streaming services where a child can watch his favorite episode of Daniel Tiger over and over but be careful of time spent doing so. The messages will really sink in and you don't have to worry about commercials. Be wary of bad television and always make it interactive. I would not advocate you stick your child in front of the TV completely unsupervised and passive even if you allow them to watch a lot of it. I'm mostly saying that you don't have to prevent your children from watching television entirely. No mom-shaming here if you're on either end of the spectrum. We Catholics tend to sit comfortably in the middle, so I want to help my fellow parents out there who sit in the middle with me, so I just want to show you you're not alone. The parents who have blackouts at their homes and who allow an overindulgence in media get all the attention, so I want to offer a guide to parents who want to let their preschoolers do something enjoyable and not inherently evil without feeling guilty. As long as you're mindful of what your child is watching and HOW they are watching it, you really have nothing to be worried about.

New Beginnings

Sunrise in Joshua Tree National Park, 2010

The title of my latest post might seem odd since I did not write a post of a similar title when my youngest baby was born ten months ago. Yes, he's ten months now, and I can't believe it! Well, the title has significant meaning aside from that. Including posting my first post since March of last year.
First of all, it may be quite obvious that I am posting for the first time. Well, things have been pretty tough since then. Ni was in the throngs of the
terrible twos while I was pregnant and exhausted all the time. I just couldn't leave Nicky alone while I worked and every free moment I did have was spent sleeping. Then Na came along and things have been REALLY tough. Again, I had two small kids who constantly need my attention. Any spare moment may not have been spent sleeping but has been spent staring at the television or reading. I'm at a point again where I can comfortably focus on my blog. Speaking of, I'm going to work on improving the blog and adding some new features. Stay tuned!
Both my boys are growing. Na still needs to be closely monitored for his safety but I'm not constantly tending to him like I had been. Ni has spent this week playing independently for hours at a time. I mean HOURS. Drawing, playing with toys, all kinds of things. It's been pretty amazing to see him explore and grow. Because of my boys' growing independence, I've been having a bit of independence myself. It's exciting to see this new change in my children.
Nicky also had his first day of preschool today. And when I say preschool, I mean homeschool preschool. Sad to say things did not go well. Nicky was really tired. At first I was thinking this was a mistake to homeschool instead of sending to real preschool. When I broke it down, I realized it was because he was too tired. If he had been to preschool, he still would have been tired, have been a disturbance to the other kids, would have had a hard time learning because he was so tired, and would have been overstimulated. The problem would not have been solved by sending him to preschool. We'll buckle down and keep at it. If we need to send him to preschool we will, but even after a disastrous first day, I will not give up easily. I'm working hard to find Nicky some friends. Part of the problem, and I did feel bad about this, Nicky was expecting to go to real school like on Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. We have park day tomorrow for a new homeschooling group that I haven't been to yet. Hopefully that will yield some really positive results.
Speaking of new homeschool group, that's another new beginning. I've tried in the past to join some mom's groups with unsatisfactory results. I'm trying some new groups over the next month or so and hopefully will find a couple that will stick.
Another new beginning is that my husband and I are entering a new phase of our marriage in a very positive direction. Without going into details, I will say that it's a new and beautiful phase. Hopefully this time will be spent strengthening our marriage in new ways so we can be prepared for whatever comes our way. Things will be changing. I can sense it, but I'm excited for what is to come.
New beginnings can be scary and exciting. When I first decided to homeschool, I was not confident at all. After tons of research, I became confident that the best teacher for a preschooler is his mom and the world around him. Even after a bumpy start, I'm not going to give up. If he does need to go to school he can, but for now we'll embark on this amazing journey of learning, loving, and living.

10 Tips for Taking Babies to Disneyland

I have been taking my son to Disneyland an average of once a week for the last year. I've celebrated his first birthday there and even heard his first word there because of a cast member. There is quite the controversy over whether or not you should take a baby to Disneyland. My son has enjoyed our
annual passes as much as if not more than I have. Two years from now, he won't remember a thing. Twenty years from  now, I'll still have the pictures. I highly advocate taking babies to Disneyland, no matter how small. It's not like this is the last time I will ever take him. Over the year, I have learned a few things that my mom didn't even know with her many years of experience, so I thought I could share some tips whether you're a pass holder or planning a family vacation with a baby.

1) Locate the Baby Care Center within the park you're visiting. The one in Disneyland is at the end of Main Street next to the photo shop. These centers offer parents many services including quiet diaper changing area, small potties for toddlers, private area for nursing and pumping, high chairs, and all sorts of baby supplies on sale not for profit. We always change my son's diaper there especially when he was smaller because the noises in the bathroom used to scare him. At the baby care center, he likes the quiet environment and they have a bath to rinse poopy bottoms and diapers. You can also tell your older kids to meet there if they get lost.

2) Naps should be strategic. Obviously you want to take your little one on all the rides they're able to go on, don't skip either carousel, and you may even have older kids who want to go on bigger kid rides. Well, you have two options for handling the mandatory baby nap. If your child is still able to sleep in the stroller or baby carrier and everyone else in your party does not need a nap, you can stay at the park all day and use the opportune nap for the adults and older kids to take turns going on rides either with fastpasses or single rider lines. Your second option if your toddler refuses to nap in the stroller, is for one person to take him or her back to the hotel or for a quiet drive, returning to park in the parking structure for the rest of naptime. Note, these tips are for people staying at the park all day. If you are only going for a few hours, take your baby right before nap or right after their nap.

3) Any photograph you really need, such as in front of the castle, do that first. Later on, there may be a longer line and the special costume you put on your kid may have been ruined in one way or another by the time you get around to taking the picture. They are babies after all.

4) Don't think that babies and toddler don't want to see the characters. Even as an infant, they will have their preferences. I was talking to a cast member telling him that my son only likes to visit the princesses, so I like to take him to the princesses. This cast member said that he met a baby who only liked villains. For my son's birthday lunch we ate at Ariel's Grotto. Now, however, he drags me around to characters. He made me take him to see Pluto and Daisy over the last two weeks. I also took him to see Minnie Mouse, and he had a ball. Yes, you are the one who benefits from the pictures, but you never know what kind of special moments can happen even with your infant. Don't wait if the line is too long, though.

5) If you're taking a vacation, or if you're a passholder celebrating a special occasion, do the Character Dining even with your toddler. There are five restaurants throughout the resort, one at each hotel and each park, where you sit down and the Disney characters come to you! I mentioned we celebrated my son's first birthday at Ariel's Grotto because he likes the princesses. If we were to go for another occasion, I would look into one of the other experiences because he has become a lot more comfortable with all the characters. A huge tip, however, and this will sound counter intuitive but trust me on this, make sure you child eats at least a little bit right before your reservation and be sure to make your reservation so it doesn't interfere with nap time. It wasn't until the last princess that my little prince was able to enjoy himself because he was so hungry the entire time. If they have at least a little food in their stomach before your reservation and are not tired, they will enjoy themselves better. It's not like they will eat a lot during the meal anyways. By the way, make a reservation at least a month in advance, perhaps two during a really busy time such as spring break or summer.

6) Plan on doing things your child enjoys. Even infants have personalities and preferences. My son has always enjoyed music and stage performances, so we enjoy taking him to all the shows. I took him to World of Color a couple times and once he was absolutely still and quiet at least for twenty minutes. Your child might not be a fan of such things, but he might enjoy running around Toontown. I suggested taking your kid to characters but if your child is really shy, he or she may not want to. My son used to like Pirates of the Caribbean. In fact, he still likes most of the ride but recently the two drops make him so upset that we just don't take him on it anymore. I still take him on Pinnoccio even though he gets scared because he doesn't get scared enough to cry. See what your child can handle and do what they like.

7) Toontown: the best place in the park for infants and toddlers. It opens one hour after the park opens, and that is when I suggest you go. By noon and later in the afternoon it's pretty crowded. These also will be the shortest lines to see Mickey and Minnie. Do the Rodger Rabbit ride first then go to Mickey and Minnie's house. You will often see Pluto and Goofy wandering around, and this is a good time to see them too. You can let your kids wander around the characters' houses. Goofy's house has a piano that makes silly noises and a small playground. It's designed for 2-4 year olds but one-year-olds will enjoy it as well. Just be careful, some parents let their 10-year-olds run around which, in my opinion, is unfair to the toddlers because they can be aggressive. There's plenty for your little ones to enjoy in this area of the park.

Some general tips.

8) The crowd at the park fluctuates throughout the day. The slowest times of the day are from opening until 10am and later from 1pm-5pm. By 10am, everyone has arrived at the park and by 1pm everyone has left either for naptime, lunch, or both. After 5, people are returning from dinner or, like us, coming after work.

9) The slowest times at the park are pretty much the entire month of September, first two weeks of November, second week of January until President's Day and Valentine's Day, and then Last week of February until mid-March. Now, it would be easy to just say go during these times, but particularly during September and January, they have shorter hours and fewer attractions because they don't always have the nighttime entertainment and the slower times are when they do maintenance on most of the rides. Even if you go during the busier months like March and April or November and December, as long as you don't go during the summer or on or near any major holiday you won't have too much trouble with the crowd. It just depends on what kind of experience your family wants.

10) Check the website prior to planning your trip to make sure any favorite attraction or show will not be temporarily closed. You cannot plan for if a ride breaks down but often times they will close certain attractions for an extended period because they're doing routine maintenance or they're revamping it. For example, World of Color and other attractions are closed in preparation for the Diamond Celebration of Disneyland. You can also check the website for when their Christmas stuff starts or for special events such as Lunar New Year and the Diamond Celebration. It's sometimes nice to plan a trip around such things.

I hope these tips help you plan your next Disney vacation to the Disneyland Resort in Anaheim. My whole family has enjoyed our year at Disneyland. We are sad to see it end, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I have seen my son grow up at Disneyland and have shared many precious moments with him. Any age is the perfect age to take your child to Disneyland. My parents have taken my brothers and I so many times over the years, and they are some of our favorite memories as a family. Even though my son will not remember this year, I will always have an amazing story about his first word, thanks to the generosity of a Cast Member giving my son ice.

Why I Got Rid of My Cell Phone and am Not Replacing It.

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about the sad demise of my cell phone. Well, following that, the next step was to go about replacing it. I'm going to recount that process to explain why I'm ultimately abandoning cell phones forever.

After my phone broke, we contacted Verizon to find out our options. "Luckily", we bought insurance, so I could file a claim and replace my phone. Well, upon filing the claim, we found out we had to pay half of what we initially had to pay to buy the phone. On top of that, it was quite expensive to pay the data plan and everything on a monthly basis. I was so upset because realizing how much money my phone was costing me, the life value was just not worth it, even before Nicky's little mishap.

Especially because my husband will begin school in the fall, we're really trying to pay down our debt and live within our means. The last couple months have left us with not very much extra cash. When my phone got lost within the depths of our couch early last year before I replaced it, I knew I couldn't be responsible for a cell phone. I wanted a landline. I kept using Nick's phone to text my mom, though, so after a few months we upgraded to smartphones. It was nice having a phone especially with a nice camera. Well, all I really needed was a time telling device (I have a watch), a small camera so I don't have to take my DSLR everywhere (we have a point-and-shoot that fits in my purse), and a phone, so I can call people especially during the day when Nick has his phone at work. Anything I use the smart stuff for I can use on Nick's phone or my iPad.

The cost and the headache of being responsible for a cell phone are the biggest reasons I'm not replacing it. Not just how expensive it is, but how expensive it is compared to the value of how it enriches my life. It just is not worth it. When we found out how much money we will save every month, I realized I can get more supplies I need to continue working on Nicky's baby scrapbook which has been on hold because I ran out of pages. Now, I can buy some. I was overjoyed when I found that out.
I continue to mention how I am incapable of being responsible for a cell phone and how stressful it is. Well, over the years I have lost my phones many times. Usually they are found, but especially after becoming a mom when I have so many other priorities than "Where did I put my cell phone?" I realize that I just don't want to keep track of it. I don't like wasting time trying to find it because that seems to be a daily task. I have enough frustration finding all the ingredients when I'm trying to make dinner, I hate having to do that with my cell phone too.
In the Christian life, it is important to live simply in order to focus on what really matters. Everything we do needs to be in support of our values: faith and family. We can't spend every moment in the Church or with our family, so any time away from those two should still support those values. Our careers, for example, should be done in order to support our family and to serve God. If our careers compromise our Christian faith in any way, we should consider other options. Getting rid of a cell phone is a huge simplification in support of my values.
Ever since I realized we can't take everything with us when we move, I have been purging our apartment of anything that is a waste of space. Anything we take with us will cost us time and money, so we have to decide how much each of our possessions are worth to us. Obviously we can't get rid of everything, but we can get rid of anything we don't need or that compromises what's important to us. The same is said of our finances. When I realized how out of control our spending was, I realized that what we both really wanted was a comfortable life. We had been trying to live the extravagant life, even with the excess smartphone. Living in extravagance now could cost us comfort in the future. Getting rid of my cell phone both simplifies my life and my budget. With our spending under control, a purging of our apartment in progress, hopefully our lives will be more comfortable and more joyful.

So, how am I replacing my phone? No, I'm not getting a pay as you go phone or even a cheapo cell phone. (Don't want to keep track of a cell phone, remember?) Our internet currently has a deal where for an additional $10/month we can add basic cable and a phone line to our plan. Today, the cable guy came to install everything. I love OnDemand. :-) Yesterday, we went to Target to buy a phone. I bought the absolute cheapest which is a corded phone without a speaker or an answering machine, and I'm very happy. Yes, whenever I get a phone call, I will have to stand awkwardly next to the TV, but at least I have caller ID.

Vegan for the Holidays

Chocolate Mint Chocolate Chip cookies for St. Nicholas

My husband's students are worried that because I'm vegan my son will not have warm Christmas memories of cookies and treats. Well, this year no because we don't give him sugar, but for the last three years, Santa has enjoyed the vegan cookies we leave for him. Nicky has many years of delicious Christmas cookies to look forward to. It is different having a vegan holiday, especially for Thanksgiving. These are the times I am most tempted to throw aside the Tofurkey and enjoy an animal-based dinner. I have my little mantra I say to myself that keeps me in check, and I smile as I enjoy a delicious vegan food.

This year for Christmas Eve dinner, I decided to make for myself vegan Polish sausage and pirogi. At first I was very excited until I realized I would be the only one enjoying them. My husband claims he wants some, but we'll see how well the crab distracts him. Even my son will be having crab with the rest of the family. The holidays are supposed to be about bringing people together. This has been achieved throughout history with food. Each country that celebrates Christmas has their own traditional Christmas foods. Being from San Francisco, it was Dungeness Crab for our family. By intentionally refusing to participate in the foods of Christmas, I am choosing to separate myself from everyone else during a celebration. Desserts are usually vegan at the holidays because that's easy to accomplish and no one notices, so I can fully participate in dessert. For dinner, however, I end up feeling alone even though I'm surrounded by people who love me. At Thanksgiving this year, I was severely let down by my Tofurkey. In retrospect, I should have just made it myself instead of buying it frozen. Never doing that again. I also was too busy and forgot to put it in the oven on time. I ate my mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and green beans but had to have the "main course" after everyone had finished and was cleaning up. My son was even too full from potatoes, bread, and green beans to have any. When I did eat it, it tasted pretty bad. On the flipside, I didn't want turkey. I never really liked it anyways. I always found it dry and tasteless. What was I to do? I guess nothing really. Omit the "main dish" all together? What kind of celebration would that have been?

I really enjoy baking. This weekend, I made chocolate mint chocolate chip cookies for St. Nicholas. I normally bake desserts that are healthful so my husband can enjoy them without guilt, but these were for St. Nicholas. I couldn't not put sugar and butter in them. For our Christmas party every year, I bake three batches of cookies which last for days even after my friends devour half of them. Around here, I am the queen of desserts. No one ever complains about my desserts, even when full of healthful substitutions. That's probably why I enjoy baking so much. As I say, you put enough sugar in something and no one can tell it's vegan. I have plenty of friends who can attest to this. 

I guess once we move away, I won't have to worry about this anymore because we will be on our own for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We'll have vegan Polish sausage and pirogi for Christmas and homemade turkey roast for Thanksgiving. When my family and I are in our own home eating our own food, eating vegan feels normal, and I have no doubts. Things do become a bit sticky when at other people's homes or out to eat. Eating vegan can feel like a celebration because it is a lot of work when making things from scratch as I do. Even as a vegan, how can my seitan roast compete with a turkey, or my bean sausage with fresh crab? Even when surrounded by temptation, I know abandoning my vegan ways will not make me any happier, even if I would fit in better. I guess I just would like to meet one other person who is like me: Catholic and vegan.

December Photo a Day

You can find lists all over the internet with tips on capturing those Christmas memories. This year, in an attempt to expand my photography and really capture our traditions, I decided to do a photo-a-day challenge. I found one I liked among this two year old list here. I'm following the Lily Pad prompt. Even though it's the fourth of December already, I encourage you to use the lists at least for inspiration for capturing your own family traditions. Feel free to look around the internet for a list you would enjoy. I'll be posting daily throughout the month of my December on my Tumblr here. For now, below are my first four photos.

Day 1:  Twinkle 

Day 2: Green 

Day 3: List

Day 4: Box

Attitude of Gratitude

"In  all created things, discern the providence and wisdom of God, and in all things give Him thanks." (St. Teresa of Avila) Though Thanksgiving has passed, in the busyness of preperations, we often forget the reason for this holiday. Even though it is a secular holiday, we can turn to our Creator and be thankful to He who created us out of pure love. How do we remain in gratitude when it seems we have nothing to be thankful for? How do we remain thankful during a time when consumerism attempts to place itself above all things including God and family? Let us take a closer look at the virtue of gratitude.

Gratitude is expressing appreciation to someone for words and actions and stems from true humility. The very sacrament of Eucharist means "giving thanks." We can be grateful to our parents for raising and caring for us. We can be grateful to our children for making us grow in selflessness and all the gifts of joy they have brought us. Most importantly, we must be grateful to God from whom all good things come. God has given us everything and everything good we have comes from God. How important, then, is it to give Him thanks?

Personally, I have much to be thankful for. I encourage you to make a list of your own things in life that you're grateful for. I'm grateful for my faith and the Sacraments, family, health, life, home, education, hobbies and talents. I could go on! I have so much to be thankful for. For me it is especially important to give God thanks constantly because I can easily point out what I do not have that I wish I did. For example, I would love to have a house like my parents have for my son to live in and run around instead of a one bedroom apartment. Aready God is showing me His love and providence. I was not going to buy any presents for my son this year for Christmas. Make him a couple things, and I had one leftover from last year. Last week, though, my husband received a Babies R Us gift card which will now be used to buy at least one nice gift for my son. That one small act has given me such joy that my son I'm sure will not even understand. I am grateful to the person who gave my husband the giftcard and to God for constantly shaming me in my despair.

With Black Friday ever encroaching on Thanksgiving, it can be hard to remember that the importance of gratitude is not in wishing for more but rather being content where we are. Even though I would like a house, I am very happy with our sizable apartment. I really am. So as the shopping season comes into full swing, you can maintain humility in a number of ways. Do not be attached to certain gifts. If you can only afford a certain amount, do not spend more than that. Your children will have a great Christmas as long as the gifts are thoughtful whether or not the number beneath the tree are large or small. A great way to show gratitude at Christmastime to those you love is handmade gifts. Those are certainly going to dominate my gift giving this year. Handmade gifts are growing in popularity. As popular as they are, they still feel countercultural. With enough thought and effort, handmade gifts can express great love to the important people in your life for less money than anything bought could have. Another way is prayer. Advent is a time of prayerful preperation and anticipation of the coming of Christ. As long as we pray every day and attend mass on Sundays, ingratitude will hopefully be far from our hearts. 

There are times when it seems we have nothing to be thankful for, even this time of year. Maybe you're out of a job, you've lost a close family member, or anything else that makes this time of year especially difficult. It is important to feel sorrow if there is a reason to. In those times of sorrow, however, we must not dwell in despair but rather turn to God and Our Lady for comfort. We must offer up to Christ on the cross our own crosses and pains. We can pray to receive what we need. Even in times of sorrow, though, we still have things we can thank God for. Each day, whether easy or challenging, is a day to be thankful for. We can even be thankful for the sorrowful times because they give us an opportunity to grow closer to God. Whatever is going on in your life, it is imporant to take a step back to see what you can be grateful for. 

Gratitude is a virtue. Like all virtues, it must be consciously cultivated and prayed about. Through humility and love we can give God thanksgiving all days of our life most especially on Thanksgiving and during Advent. 

Debunking the Catholic Vegan Myth

When I first told my husband, then fiance, that I wanted to be vegan, he freaked out on me. He criticized me and became very hostile. I explained to him that I was a vegetarian for a long time before I stopped and after doing some more research, I just couldn't in good conscience continue eating meat. My husband later admitted that one reason he freaked out is because the only vegans he had ever met were mean and judgmental. I asked him if I was mean and judgmental, he said, "No," so I asked why changing my diet would change that about me, and he had no response. This is not a commentary on my husband, but he represents a group of Catholics out there who may oppose being vegan or vegetarian because of all the negative ideas the vegan community represents. It seems to me that the idea of veganism is tied very closely to New Age philosophy which I do not support. I try not to associate myself with anything religiously or philosophically questionable, so I would like to explain how a person can be Catholic and can be vegan.
Yes, yes, I know we are designed to eat meat. Yes, yes, I know God gave Moses the animals and Peter was told that all animals are clean. (My Ignatian Catholic Study Bible, by the way, says that it was an allegory of the Old Law being abolished in Christ and that Gentiles were welcome into Christianity.) So how can I justify not eating meat? Well, also in Genesis, man was given dominion over animals. Unlike most vegans, the actual eating of meat does not offend me. It does gross me out a little, though, you can ask my husband. The actual idea of it though, I find acceptable. What dominion means is caring for the earth and using (not abusing) her resources. You cannot find a faithful Catholic that would say animal abuse is holy. In fact, grave animal abuse is considered a grave sin. See CCC 2457. The main reason I decided to become vegan was to relieve the suffering of the animals. Yes, the cows and pigs on your plate most likely suffered in some way before they were killed. I will not go into details, I encourage you to do your own research. For this reason, I support grass fed beef and local farms ethically raise their pigs and chickens. Meat that comes from well treated animals is more expensive and more delicious, but that's why I encourage people to spend their money on good meat and then eat less of it. A mostly vegetarian diet.
If the animals don't die to make milk or eggs, why not eat those? Again, it's the suffering. Mother cow and calf are constantly separated and calves often sent to be made into veal. With egg-laying chickens, well, again without details they suffer pretty horrifically, and to be honest, neither are really necessary. We find a woman's milk grotesque to drink, but we have no problem taking it out of a cow? Where's the logic in that? Cow's milk is for baby cows and Mom's milk is for baby humans. My friends ask me that if I owned a chicken, would I eat her eggs? My response is if I liked eggs, then yes, I would. But I hate eggs anyways and can bake just as well without them, so I have zero desire to ever consume an egg again. As far as ethical substitutes, I there is grass fed cow milk on the market, and I read that because of the cow's larger variety in diet, the milk's taste changes. For eggs, I have found the best option that my husband buys is American Humane Certified. We buy them at Target, but I have seen them at Safeway. They are more expensive, but my response is to just eat fewer eggs.
Aren't people more important than animals? ABSOLUTELY. The Catechism of the Catholic Church also states that even though it is important to be respectful of animals, it is a mistake to treat them more importantly than we treat people. (2418) This is why I spend more time protesting abortion than protesting CAFOs. The advantage to being vegan or to being mostly vegan, is that we can still serve humans while maintaining the dignity of animals. This is why I truly consider myself pro-life because I place human life first but I also remember our animal companions.

My son and a vegan raspberry sorbet we shared at a very expensive restaurant in Disneyland celebrating his 1st birthday. The chef came out and had a satisfying vegan meal on hand for us.

What about fasting? Yes, well, this does bring about a dilemma every year around Lent and St. Phillip's fast. The way I observe fasting for now is that I abstain from caffeine on days when everyone else is abstaining from meat. What I will most likely do with my kids is on days meant to fast, we will abstain from anything with added sugar such as desserts and soda. (Although hopefully the soda thing won't really be an issue) As a Catholic, I know we have seasons of the year, and it is important to observe those seasons, so I just find my own way to do extra penance. (Because believe me, being vegan is penance.)
Another piece of resistance I have met that surprised me the most is turning food into a "god." That by having a particular diet, I obsess with food. I admit, at first, I read a lot of labels. I encourage you to do that whether or not you have a particular diet. But someone who has a lactose, nut, or gluten allergy has to read labels too, right? Does that mean they're turning food into a god? No, it means they're trying not to get sick or die. How do you balance maintaining a diet and not turning your diet into a god? Pray about it, for one thing. I still pray about being vegan. About whether or not it is the right choice for me. My spiritual adviser encourages it, so I'm not going to question him. Now that I know what's vegan and what's not, I'm not so scrupulous about labels anymore. As far as attending parties and such, I let the host know I'm vegan, and if I can't be accommodated I eat beforehand or bring something for myself. When I host a party, I like to accommodate special diets too, so I don't feel bad just letting the host know. I got into a huge fight with my husband and my dad about whether or not our wedding cake should be vegan. It did end up being vegan and nobody noticed. Now, if you practice a mostly vegan diet, and you're going over to someone's house for a meal, you can plan that as one of your few meat meals for the week. The Catechism also talks about maintaining physical health as a good as long as it does not interfere with the common good. (CCC 2288) If your diet turns you into a mean person or endangers you for whatever reason,  probably should rethink that. It is important, however, to maintain a healthy diet out of respect for yourself, your loved ones, and most importantly the Creator. What may seem like to some scrupulosity, to me is just life. I don't feel like I obsess. I have my vegan cookbooks, food blogs, etc, and I work from there like any other family would.

Sweetpea bakery in Portland, OR (vegan)

So, I have presented appropriate substitutions for eating meat. Why do I not then adopt those? Mostly personal reasons. I really don't like killing animals even though I see how acceptable it is. I like being vegan. I really do. I love trying new vegan recipes and restaurants. I'm a vegan food blog junkie. I think my largest Pinterest board is my Vegan Food board. I do encourage my husband to eat appropriate substitutes, and my parents buy grass fed beef. And even though I have presented ideas on how to eat more expensive meat, it plain tastes better. During my brief non-vegetarian period in college, I ate some of my parents' grass fed beef, and it was way better than the regular stuff. Made me not dislike hamburgers so much. In California, we have In-n-Out which serves grass fed beef. Even during my non-vegetarian phase, I would eat veggie burgers except at In-n-Out. They are so delish! So why not eat them? Of the very few meat foods that do tempt me, In-n-Out is one of them. Even though I know it's ok, I just don't really want to. I'm perfectly happy eating my veggie burger. Plus, the idea of eating a dead cows is a little gross to me. I know many of you are unwilling to surrender your meat, but maybe consider where you can cut back on meat. Have beans for breakfast instead of beacon. (Don't worry, you can put your beacon on your salad with dinner.) Have a hummus wrap instead of a turkey sandwich for lunch. Your health will be better off too!
For further research I encourage you to see the movie Food, Inc. and read Dominion by Matthew Scully and The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan.

Prayer in the Quiet and in the Noise

Teresa of Ávila by Francois Gerard (1770−1837)

My junior year of high school, for my Spanish class, we had to do a biographical puppet show in Spanish on a famous Spanish-speaker. Having hosted a Spanish exchange student, that summer, I looked into female Spanish saints I could do. I ended up doing St. Teresa of Avila. Yes, I made a puppet of St. Teresa of Avila and wrote a speech for her to give on her life in Spanish. It wasn't bad. Later in my junior year of college, I attempted to read her book Interior Castle. Yeah, that pretty much went over my head. I'm going to try reading a commentary on it before I attempt it again.
During my engagement, I explored more deeply different spiritualities among the Catholic faith, and I found refuge among St. Teresa, St. Therese, and the Carmelites. Their quiet spirituality inspired me to become a Stay-at-Home-Mom. I grew a deep friendship with St. Terese through her book Story of a Soul which I will discuss at a later time. For now, I would like to discuss the first Carmelite I met.
My favorite story of St. Teresa was when she was five, she convinced her brother to accompany her to be martyred at the hands of Moors. Fortunately, her uncle found them outside the town walls and escorted them home. She reminds me of my grandma who, not so piously, during the Great Depression tried to convince her brother to shout "Boo Hoover" while they were out on the town as children. That spirit of mischief my grandmother and St. Teresa de Avila had in common. Though I myself would hope my children would not run off to be martyrs, I do hope my children live lives of piety with joyful spirits. And maybe a little mischief.
Another of my favorite stories of hers is when she had her visions, many of her friends ridiculed her and gossiped about her, thinking she was mentally ill or possessed by the Devil. Jesus' response to her complaints was "Teresa, that's how I treat my friends." She responded, "No wonder you have so few." This is a great reminder that the road with Christ is not an easy one, but we know it's the right one.
What are lessons that we moms can learn from Teresa? Well, Teresa spent most of her life struggling with illness, spending time in meditation and prayer, and reforming the Carmelite order. Let's focus on each of these individually in the context of motherhood.
Any one of us could be struck by illness or any other hardship. Teresa de Avila's illness was so severe, she was paralyzed for years. What if that were to happen to us? With all that is involved in running a household, I cannot imagine being bed-ridden. I would be so sad not to be able to play with my little boy like I can now. When we face a severe illness that may even take our life, we must place all our trust in God and be thankful for all that we have. We must not lose hope. All that we have belongs to God, and He can take it back when He so desires. As mothers, healthy or not, we must remember to appreciate every moment and trust in God no matter the struggles we may face.
I know for me, spending time meditating and praying is a necessity I wish I could afford more of. The semester before I became pregnant with my son, my husband and I took a weekly workshop at a local parish on the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises which required an hour of daily meditation. I spent an hour every morning meditating before going to daily rosary and mass. I gained many fruits by doing this and was so sad to stop because being pregnant, I needed that extra hour of sleep. The Catechism of the Catholic Church in paragraph 2705 describes meditation as ". . . [seeking] to understand the why and how of the Christian life, in order to adhere and respond to what the Lord is asking." Teresa describes mental prayer as ". . . nothing else than an intimate sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with him who we know loves us." In order to understand the needs and desires of our spouse and children, we must spend time with them to listen. When we are so busy that our prayer mostly involves daily speaking rather than listening, our purpose can become lost. It is even more important to spend a few minutes of quiet with the Lord whether we are in the shower, grocery shopping, or cooking dinner. If you can find time to pray quietly before an icon or the Eucharist, all the better. Even us busy moms can pray without ceasing if only we turn to the Lord in those quiet moments.
Now, we most likely will not need to reform an order of nuns. We do, however, need to make sure our domestic church has her priorities straight. Teresa noticed the vanity of her fellow nuns. After her years of prayer and visions, she knew the Carmelites needed to be more Christ-centered in their spirituality. Where does Christ live in your family's prayer life? Is He in the center or more off to the side? I know I struggle to keep Christ in the center of my family's prayer life. With St. Phillip's fast under way, it is the perfect time to put Christ at the center once more. Does your family observe the Liturgical Calendar? We make an effort to go to Divine Liturgy on special feast days even if they are not Holy Days of Obligation. In fact, we're going tonight to celebrate the Entrance of the Theotokos, or the presentation of Mary for you Romans. Like Teresa de Avila, we can prioritize Christ no matter what stage of life we are in.
As a busy, stay-at-home-mom, I know how tough it can be to even remember to pray. This is something I struggle with every day. Though we ourselves are not cloistered nuns like Teresa, out in the world she has a lesson for us. Teresa believed that prayer should lead to action, which we moms are very good at. As long as we make time with Christ a priority and all things are done in His name, just like Teresa, God will take care of us and our children.

Commentary on Vegan News

I am not one to criticize other mothers because only a mother knows how to parent her child. A news story about a vegan mom has been making waves this week when she regained custody on Tuesday after losing her child back in June because she fed her baby soy formula. Her baby faced significant weight loss, so her doctor prescribed a non-vegan formula and requested she take her baby to the hospital. My husband asked me about it yesterday, so I thought I would blog about it today.

1. How sad! I know I would have been devastated to find out my milk isn't enough. This is what we women were designed to do: nourish our newborns. Sarah Markham probably may have been afraid for her child's health as well. She most likely was in a vulnerable state, especially so soon after giving birth.
2. Sarah could have asked her doctor to respect her wishes for a soy formula. If she did, and he refused, she should have found a better doctor. Yes, she has a right to raise her baby vegan, but her baby has the right to be healthy.
3. What isn't mentioned in the news is if the doctor called social services because Sarah was feeding her baby soy formula or because she neglected to take her kid to the hospital. That much weight loss that early on is a serious and potentially dangerous health concern. Even if Sarah wanted to supplement with soy formula, a doctor at the hospital may have prescribed a soy formula for her baby. Should Sarah have taken her baby to the hospital? Maybe.
4. Should the doctor have called social services at all? The doctor has a responsibility  to report suspected child abuse WHICH IS A VERY GOOD THING. I have, however, read countless cases of social services being involved in families where there was no case of abuse, someone just didn't like the way someone was parenting. This can cause more harm than good. Protective services is a necessary yet flawed system. In this case, a mother was separated from her child during the most critical time for bonding. I don't know the details, and I don't claim to have the answer for the perfect time for protective services to intervene, but this may have been one of the situations where it was not necessary.
5. What kind of a world do we live in where the police are being called to report abuse when a mother feeds her child soy formula (which is supposedly "formulated' to meet all a newborn's nutritional needs) and we have six-year-olds being diagnosed with type-2 diabetes because of obesity. I don't know if either situation should be considered "abuse" but it says a lot about our culture. 

I don't have all the answers. I don't know the details of the situation, and I am unfamiliar with child abuse. I don't want to pass judgment on this mother or the doctor. They both were acting in the child's best interest from their perspective. You can find an article here about the situation and decide for yourself.

I do have something to say to all you vegan mothers or expectant mothers. Vegans boast that it is the most healthful diet. Well, it may not be. When you're feeding your kid vegan junk food, that is just as bad as or worse than a mother who feeds her kids non-vegan junk food. (I feed my kid junk food once in a while, so I'm on the same boat!) What's important is establishing healthy eating habits. Even if an adult is not careful, he or she may not receive all the calories or nutrients they may need which can be harmful. How much more so if young children do not receive all the nutrients they require? Even if a mother is breastfeeding, she especially needs to make sure she is getting enough vitamin B-12. Plenty of health food stores sell B-12 supplements, several foods are fortified with vitamin B-12, and nutritional yeast is pretty much pure B-12. It's not about if your kids eat vegan or meat or fish, it's about if your kids are eating well. This is important for vegans and non-vegans alike. Healthful eating habits of childhood do carry into adulthood, so it's important to make sure your kids eat right. A mostly vegan diet has actually been proven to be best. Eating meat a couple times a week rather than every day will save you money and improve your family's health. As far as kids adapting to health foods, my little guy is a fan of oatmeal for breakfast and tofu, beans, veggies, and fruit for lunch, dinner, and snacks. Don't underestimate how your child will respond to healthful food. Even if he doesn't like it, keep feeding it to him, and he'll eventually warm up to it. If you have any nutritional or health concerns, please consult your child's physician. I am not a licensed nutritionist or health professional, I am providing only suggestions based on personal research.

This is my little guy happily nursing away.

Copyright 2014

Small Success Thursday

As a stay-at-home mom of a toddler, it can often feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. All I do is chores, chase/play with my boy, and cook. I've decided, at least for this week, to participate in Catholicmom.com's Small Success Thursday with three of my week's successes. By doing this, hopefully I can take a step back and get a better look at my week.

1) Started this blog! The number one thing I'm proud of this week is starting this blog. I have missed writing and blogging so much. What a great way to wind down during nap time. I look forward to the many adventures ahead.

2) FINALLY I have a game plan to get my son on a regular sleep schedule. He has not been getting enough sleep which has made everybody around here cranky. After a disaster of a day yesterday, we started the day off right when he woke up at exactly the time his new schedule needs him to. He also went down for a nap at exactly the right time. Maybe tonight, then, he will go to bed when he needs to.

3) Yesterday, Nicky and I saw Jack and Sally at Disneyland! He liked Sally, but was a little nervous. He certainly was nervous around Jack. Of course, he's only comfortable around the Disney Princesses. We both had fun and got cute pictures. Check it out!

Check out Small Success Thursday on Catholicmom.com

Welcome to Lunch in the Garden of Eden

Hello, and welcome to Lunch in the Garden of Eden. Allow me to introduce myself and my new blog. My name is Violet Olszyk. I am a Californian born and raised. I moved from NorCal to SoCal to pursue a career in film. (God had other plans.) I studied film at CSULB in film theory with an emphasis on Production Management. I spent more time writing papers than producing movies, however. During my time at CSULB, I grew in my faith thanks to the Catholic Newman Club. Through the Newman Club, I met my wonderful husband. Before I started my last semester at CSULB, I became pregnant with my darling boy. Now, nothing to do with CSULB. I have developed and interest in food, particularly the ethics of veganism and how to incorporate all that into faith. I will be exploring that topic in particular through the blog more so than I have up until this point. I mentioned that I am Catholic; I was raised roman Catholic but now practice the Byzantine Rite. I love the Byzantine Rite which I was introduced to through my husband who will be joining the Byzantine seminary next fall. Our journey with that will be featured on the blog as well. This blog is about a stay-at-home Byzantine Catholic Mom who likes movies and vegan food. With that, I will introduce you to my blog which will feature my four favorite "F's": faith, family, film, and food.
Faith is the absolute center of my life, so I can't keep it out of my blog. You may notice my faith appear in blog posts that have nothing to do with faith! I encourage those non-Catholics out there to keep an open mind. I do not boast of my faith in order to shame others, but in the hopes that you may appreciate the beauty of it that I see. Faith plays a central role in my daily decisions from how to put my son to sleep, what to eat, and what to watch. God has shown me that I cannot live without Him, which means I cannot write without Him. I hope rather than finding my faith hostile, you see it as beautiful. I welcome comments that would disagree as long as they are not mean-spirited, negative, or hostile. I especially will focus on Byzantine spirituality, but I still have a little Roman in me.
In service of the Lord, I serve my family. I have given up everything for them. When my husband becomes a priest, I will give everything else, including my family, to the church. I am not a perfect parent, and I know very little about parenting. Much like my journey with food, I will be using the blog to explore topics of parenting. I have a great post in mind involving cloth diapering! (That, I do know a lot about.) There are many topics that can be explored here from finances to church to daily life. The list is endless since family plays such an important role in our lives.
I have been watching movies since I was younger than my son is. My mom told me my favorite was Mary Poppins, and I would spend all day watching it. (My son's favorite is Frozen, by the way, and he cannot stand watching it for more than 40 minutes at a time.) I spent so much time watching Mary Poppins, I figured out how to rewind and play the video tape. Then a few months ago I realized, I had really good taste in movies when I was a 10-month-old. I have been making movies since my first documentary on Christmas Day 1998 when I received my first video camera and editing software. Most of my free time since then has been spent watching and making movies. Now, I write more about movies. I hope to delve into social and spiritual topics as well as write my own reviews once in a while about movies I see. The most recent film I have seen is Big Hero 6. This weekend, thanks to my mom, my husband and I will see Interstellar, so look out for a review of it next Wednesday.
Finally, I will mention food. Since I moved into an apartment in fall 2011, I have become very interested in food. Being vegan, I pretty much have to prepare everything from scratch. I even make my own "fake" meat because the store bought kind is expensive. Another reason is because a vegan diet is an entirely different approach to eating. Animal meat no longer plays a starring role and dairy and eggs are nowhere to be found, so these must be replaced by plant foods even in our favorite comfort food. My husband admitted to me that he has had to grow used to not having meat as the center of the meal. My journey in a vegan diet has allowed my appreciation for vegan food to grow, and I enjoy creating elaborate meals once a week for my family and easy meals the rest of the week. I will explore a variety of vegan food to encourage you to maybe try some even if you're not vegan. It could be a good route to go for Lent or St. Phillip's fast.
I know my blog will cover a large range of topics, but I have a large range of interests. I'm excited to start sharing this journey called life, and I hope you are too.

yes, this is my little family outside Haunted Mansion on a Monday night "just because."

You can find the original post on my visit to Our Lady of Guadalupe on my Violet in Mexico blog here.